Strengths:

1. The writer gives useful background information in the introduction of the essay, by illustrating a case and clearly defining the key term euthanasia.

2. The writer’s position is clearly stated in the thesis statement and developed in the main body through some examples and evidence from research.

3. The writer clearly restates their position in the conclusion of the essay and briefly hypothesises about future actions. No new information  that has not been introduced in the main body is included in the conclusion.

4. The writer has established internal cohesion in the paragraph by maintaining a clear focus on the essay topic and using appropriate linking words and phrases.

Weaknesses:

1. A number of claims made in the main body paragraphs of the essay are unsupported. They need to be substantiated with some research-based evidence from the literature.

2. The use of signposting devices at the beginning of each paragraph is not entirely accurate. For example, the writer should have used Secondly rather than At second at the beginning of the 2nd body paragraph.

3. The writes has made a number of imprecise claims that need to be further clarified and expanded. For example, in body paragraph 3, the writer states as follows: “In fact, the law made the practitioners more responsible towards the patient.” It is not entirely clear which particular law in which particular country the writer is talking about in this statement.

4. The writer is not consistent with the use of the British English and American English spelling. It is important to be consistent in academic writing and use either one or the other throughout the essay.

Persuasive Essay Five:

Should Euthanasia be Legal?

In 1992 Annie Lindsell, who was 42, was diagnosed with motor neuron disease. Motor neuron disease is considered to be terminal and terribly painful. Annie asked the High Court, in case of unbearable pain, to let his doctor “intervene and administer diamorphine” (EUTHANASIA WORKSHEET 1 CASE STUDIES CASE STUDY 1, 2006). With the intervention of the practitioner, Annie died in peace and with no pain in 1997. The case study portrayed above illustrates the term euthanasia. Euthanasia, in other words, mercy killing, is legal only in several countries like the US, Netherlands, Belgium. In majority parts of the world euthanasia is opposed, which is in turn resulting in illegal euthanasia. Although legalization of euthanasia may encourage the practitioners in abuse of discretion, the terminally ill have right to die with dignity.

Firstly, the patients, with fatal illnesses, have right to die with dignity. As an example for terminal illness, the case of Annie can be reviewed. Motor neuron disease (MND) is an illness which slowly damages nervous system. There is no identified cause and treatment of MND. The patients of MND mostly experience choking for several hours and die in pain. As every human being has a right to live, they should have choice in dying as well. Living for several hours in pain does not change anything but tortures the patient and it is far beyond possibility to discover a treatment in short time. Moreover, when the patient knows that he is going to die without pain, death will not constitute the end of life but a natural stage of life. Thus, if euthanasia is legalized, the terminally ill can die with dignity at the allocated time.

At second, the legalization of euthanasia could bring transparency in end-of-life decision making among doctors. If the demand of assisted suicide is not met, the terminally ill starve themselves to death or physicians involve in secretly. There are probably many cases of euthanasia which are not reported just because it is illegal. Cohen-Almagor (2009) states that before legalization of euthanasia in Netherlands, one in 10 deaths among 10million population was assisted by doctors informally. The figure shows that assisted suicide cannot be denied and in order to regulate the end-of-life decisions, euthanasia should be made legal.

It might seem that the legalization of assisted suicide may encourage abuse of discretion by the practitioners. Some people concern that if euthanasia is legalized, the vulnerable old people will be the target of the process. However, according to a research, most patients who died with euthanasia “were more often younger, men, had cancer” (Smets et al., 2010, p189). In almost all cases, physical, psychological pain and suffering were reported. In fact, law made the practitioners more responsible towards the patient.

In short, even though laws approving of euthanasia may be misused, the patients have right to die with dignity and without pain. The law would work best, if the criteria of illnesses for euthanasia have been made clearer. Moreover, if each patient’s case is closely examined, the more appropriate decision could be made. Dying is humane right and the choice should always be individual.
References

Cohen-Almagor, R. (2009). Belgian Euthanasia Law: A Critical Analysis. Journal of Medical Ethics, 35(7), 436-439. Available from http://www.jstor.org/stable/27720366. [Accessed: 1 November 2016].

EUTHANASIA WORKSHEET 1 CASE STUDIES CASE STUDY 1 (2006). Available from http://www.scriptureunion.org.uk/Uploads/Documents/Euthanasia-Worksheet1.pdf. [Accessed: 2 November 2016].

Smets, T. et al. (2010). Legal Euthanasia in Belgium: Characteristics of All Reported Euthanasia Cases. Medical Care, 48(2), 187-192. Available from http://www.jstor.org/stable/27798426. [Accessed: 2 November 2016].

Persuasive Essay Five:

Should Euthanasia be Legal?

Legend:
Idea Development Academic Style Grammatical Accuracy Lexical Appropriacy Source Use Macrostructure Spelling Accuracy Punctuation Accuracy

In 1992Issue No. 1: A comma needs to be used after an introductory phrase at the beginning of the sentence.
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Annie Lindsell, who was 42, was diagnosed with motor neuronIssue No. 2: The American English spelling of the word neuron needs to be replaced with the British English spelling neurone. disease. Motor neuron diseaseIssue No. 3: The abbreviation (MND) should be put in parenthesis after the full name motor neuron disease. is considered to be terminal and terribly painful. Annie asked the High Court, in case of unbearable painIssue No. 4: It is not entirely clear which particular country is being referred to in this sentence. The claim needs further clarification., to let hisIssue No. 5: The pronoun his needs to be replaced by the pronoun her because Annie is a female rather than male. doctor “intervene and administer diamorphine” (EUTHANASIA WORKSHEET 1Issue No. 6: The in-text citation is used inaccurately. The author’s last name needs to be used instead of the WORKSHEET.
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CASE STUDIES CASE STUDY 1, 2006). With the intervention of the practitioner, Annie died in peace and with no pain in 1997. The case study portrayed above illustrates the term euthanasia. Euthanasia, in other words, mercy killing, is legal only in several countries likeIssue No. 7: The expression like needs to be replaced by a more academic and appropriate expression including. the US, NetherlandsIssue No. 8: The definite article the is needed before Netherlands because its official name is the Kingdom of the Netherlands.
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, Belgium.Issue No. 9: The coordinating conjunction and needs to be added before the last item in the list of items. In majorityIssue No. 10: The definite article the needs to be used before majority in this sentence.
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partsIssue No. 11: The use of the noun parts is redundant in this sentence.
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of the worldIssue No. 12: A comma needs to be used after an introductory phrase at the beginning of the sentence.
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euthanasia is opposed, which is in turnIssue No. 13: The interrupter phrase in turn needs to be set off with commas to signal the break in the sentence.
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resulting inIssue No. 14: The present simple tense needs to be used instead of the present continuous in this sentence.
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illegal euthanasia.Issue No. 15: The source of this information needs to be clearly stated in the form on an in-text citation.
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Although legalizationIssue No. 16: The definite article the needs to be used before the noun legalisation.
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Issue No. 18: The American English spelling of the word legalization needs to be replaced with the British English spelling legalisation.
of euthanasia may encourage the practitioners in abuse of discretionIssue No. 17: The sentence structure needs to be revised., the terminally ill have right to dieIssue No. 19: The definite article the needs to be used before the noun phrase right to die.
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with dignity.Firstly, the patientsIssue No. 20: No definite article the should be used before the noun patients in this sentence.
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,Issue No. 21: No comma should be used after the noun patients in this sentence.
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with fatalIssue No. 23: A more appropriate adjective terminal needs to be used instead of fatal in this sentence. illnesses,Issue No. 22: No comma should be used after the noun illnesses in this sentence.
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have right to dieIssue No. 24: The definite article the needs to be used before the noun phrase right to die.
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with dignity.Issue No. 25: The phrase right to die with dignity should not be repeated. It might need to be paraphrased. As an example for terminal illness, the case of Annie can be reviewed.Issue No. 26: The source of this information needs to be clearly stated in the form on an in-text citation.
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Motor neuronIssue No. 27: The American English spelling of the word neuron needs to be replaced with the British English spelling neurone. disease (MND)Issue No. 28: The abbreviation (MND) should be used instead of the full name motor neuron disease. is an illness which slowly damages nervous systemIssue No. 29: The definite article the needs to be used before the noun phrase nervous system.
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. There is no identified cause andIssue No. 30: The conjunction and needs to be replaced with a more appropriate conjunction or. treatment ofIssue No. 31: The preposition of needs to be replaced by the preposition for. MND. The patientsIssue No. 32: No definite article the should be used before the noun patients in this sentence.
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of MNDIssue No. 33: The phrase of MND is redundant in this sentence.
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mostly experience choking for several hours andIssue No. 34: The conjunction and needs to be replaced with a more appropriate conjunction before. dieIssue No. 35: The verb form die needs to be replaced with the verb form dying in this sentence. in pain. As every human being has a right to live, they should have choice in dying as well.Issue No. 36: It is not entirely clear what is meant in this sentence. The claim needs further clarification and expansion. Living for several hours in pain does not change anything but tortures the patient and it is far beyond possibility to discover a treatment in short time. Moreover, when the patient knows that heIssue No. 37: The gender specific pronoun he needs to be replaced by a gender neutral he or she.
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is going to die without pain, death will not constitute the end of life but a natural stage of life.Issue No. 38: It is not entirely clear what is meant in this sentence. The claim needs further clarification and expansion. Thus, if euthanasia is legalizedIssue No. 39: The American English spelling of the word legalized needs to be replaced with the British English spelling legalised. , the terminally ill can die with dignity at the allocated time.Issue No. 40: It is not entirely clear what is meant in this sentence. The claim needs further clarification and expansion.At second,Issue No. 41: The signposting expression At second needs to be replaced with a more academic expression Secondly. the legalizationIssue No. 42: The American English spelling of the word legalization needs to be replaced with the British English spelling legalisation. of euthanasia could bring transparency in end-of-life decision making among doctors. If the demand of assisted suicide is not met, the terminally ill starve themselves to death orIssue No. 43: A comma needs to be used before the conjunction or in a compound sentence.
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physicians involve in secretlyIssue No. 44: A more formal expression administer drugs off the record is needed in this sentence..Issue No. 45: The claim needs to be substantiated with some research-based evidence in the form of an in-text citation.
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There are probably many cases of euthanasia which are not reported just because it is illegal. Cohen-Almagor (2009) states that before legalizationIssue No. 46: The definite article the needs to be used before the noun legalisation.
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Issue No. 47: The American English spelling of the word legalization needs to be replaced with the British English spelling legalisation.
of euthanasia in NetherlandsIssue No. 48: The definite article the is needed before Netherlands.
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, one in 10Issue No. 49: The number 10 needs to be spelled in words as ten. deaths among 10Issue No. 50: The number 10 needs to be spelled in words as ten.million the populationIssue No. 51: The preposition of needs to be used before the noun population in this sentence.
Issue No. 52: The definite article the needs to be used before the noun population in this sentence.
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was assisted by doctors informally. TheIssue No. 53: The pronoun this needs to be used instead of the definite article the in this sentence. figure shows that assisted suicide cannot be deniedIssue No. 54: A more concise expression exists should be used in this sentence.
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and in order toIssue No. 55: The dependent clause that appears in the middle of the sentence needs to be set off with commas.
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regulate theIssue No. 56: No definite article the should be used in this sentence.
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end-of-life decisions, euthanasia should be made legal.

It might seem that the legalizationIssue No. 57: The American English spelling of the word legalization needs to be replaced with the British English spelling legalisation. of assisted suicide may encourage abuse of discretionIssue No. 58: The definite article the needs to be used before the noun phrase abuse of discretion in this sentence.
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by theIssue No. 59: No definite article the should be used before the noun practitioners in this sentence.
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practitioners. Some people concernIssue No. 60: The verb form concern needs to be replaced with the verb form are concerned in this sentence. that if euthanasia is legalizedIssue No. 61: The American English spelling of the word legalized needs to be replaced with the British English spelling legalised. , theIssue No. 62: No definite article the is needed in this sentence.
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vulnerable old people will be the target of the processIssue No. 63: A more concise expression at risk should be used in this sentence.
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. However, according to a research,Issue No. 64: A vague expression a research should not be used in this sentence.
Issue No. 65: The integral citation needs to be used in this sentence.
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most patients who died withIssue No. 66: The preposition with needs to be replaced with via in this sentence. euthanasia “were more often younger, men, had cancer”Issue No. 67: This does not seem to be a direct quotation because of some inaccuracies it contains. (Smets et alIssue No. 68: The author’s name needs to be deleted in this sentence.
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, 2010, p189). In almost all casesIssue No. 69: It is not entirely clear what is meant by in all cases in this sentence. , physicalIssue No. 70: The conjunction and needs to be used between physical and psychological., psychological pain and sufferingIssue No. 71: The phrase and suffering is redundant in this sentence.
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were reported. In fact, lawIssue No. 72: The definite article the is needed in this sentence.
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made the practitioners more responsible towards the patient.Issue No. 73: The writer needs to be more specific in this statement. It is not entirely clear which law is meant here.

In shortIssue No. 74: The signposting expression In short needs to be replaced with a more academic expression In summary., even though lawsIssue No. 75: The definite article the needs to be used before the noun laws.
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approving ofIssue No. 76: A more appropriate verb allowing needs to be used in this sentence. euthanasia may be misused, theIssue No. 77: No definite article the needs to be used before the noun patients.
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patients have rightIssue No. 78: The definite article the needs to be used before the noun phrase right to die.
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to die with dignity and without pain. TheIssue No. 79: The pronoun these needs to be used instead of the definite article the in this sentence. lawIssue No. 80: The plural form of the noun laws needs to be used in this sentence. would work best,Issue No. 81: No comma should be used before the if-clause.
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if the criteria of Issue No. 82: The noun phrase seriousness of needs to make the statement more precise and clear. illnessesIssue No. 83: The singular form of the noun illness needs to be use din this sentence. forIssue No. 84: The preposition for needs to be replaced by the expression prompting. euthanasia have beenIssue No. 85: The past simple tense needs to be used instead of the present perfect tense.
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made clearer. Moreover, if each patient’s case isIssue No. 86: The past simple tense needs to be used in the if-clause of the unreal conditional.
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closely examined, theIssue No. 87: The indefinite article a needs to be used in this sentence.
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more appropriate decision could be made.Issue No. 88: It is not entirely clear what kind of decision is meant in this statement. Dying isIssue No. 89: The indefinite article a needs to be used in this sentence. humaneIssue No. 90: The word needs to be spelled as human rather than humane in this sentence. right and Issue No. 91: A comma needs to be used before and in a compound sentence.
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the choice should always be individual.Issue No. 92: The noun individual needs to be preceded by with the.

ReferencesIssue No. 93: Overall, the sources are arranged in alphabetical order by the last name of the author(s). However, there are some issues with the use of sources in this essay: 1. Only academic sources need to be used as references; however, the second source, i.e., a worksheet, is not academic and needs to be replaced by some other more appropriate source. 2. If the source was written by more than two people, e.g. the third source, all names of the authors need to be listed instead of using et al. after the first author’s name. 3. A hanging indentation need to be used, i.e., in every reference entry, every line after the first line should be moved a few spaces to the right.

Cohen-Almagor, R. (2009). Belgian Euthanasia Law: A Critical Analysis. Journal of Medical Ethics, 35(7), 436-439. Available from http://www.jstor.org/stable/27720366. [Accessed: 1 November 2016].

EUTHANASIA WORKSHEET 1 CASE STUDIES CASE STUDY 1 (2006). Available from http://www.scriptureunion.org.uk/Uploads/Documents/Euthanasia-Worksheet1.pdf. [Accessed: 2 November 2016].

Smets, T. et al. (2010). Legal Euthanasia in Belgium: Characteristics of All Reported Euthanasia Cases. Medical Care, 48(2), 187-192. Available from http://www.jstor.org/stable/27798426. [Accessed: 2 November 2016].

Activities:

Question 1:
At the beginning of which paragraph has the writer used a signposting expression accurately, i.e., a linking word or phrase that shows connections between the main arguments?

A: Paragraph 2Correct: A signposting expression Firstly has been used accurately at the beginning of this paragraph.

B: Paragraph 3Incorrect: A signposting expression At second used by the writer needs to be replaced by a more appropriate academic expression Secondly.

C: Paragraph 5Incorrect: A signposting expression In short is non-academic and needs to be replaced by a more appropriate academic expression In summary.

Question 2:
Identify three examples of hedging language used in this essay, i.e., cautious language used to protect the writer’s claims and avoid definitive statements or generalisations.

A: According to…, states that…, … were reportedIncorrect: These are not hedging language examples, but some examples of reporting verbs and expressions used to integrate the in-text citations in the essay.

B: thus, moreover, howeverIncorrect: These are not hedging language examples, but some examples of linking words used by the writer to establish cohesion within paragraphs.

C: may encourage, could bring, might seemCorrect: These are the examples of hedging language used by the writer to mitigate their claims in the essay.

Question 3:
Where in the essay has the writer skilfully integrated a citation?

A: Paragraph 1Correct: The writer has effectively used a direct quotation in the middle of their 3rd sentence of Paragraph 1.

B: Paragraph 2Incorrect: The writer has not cited the source when illustrating the case of Annie although they should have done so.

C: Paragraph 4Incorrect: The writer has used …according to a research,…in this paragraph. They could have been more precise by saying …according to Smets et al. (2009),… and deleting the authors’ details in parenthesis.

Question 4:
Which of the three sources cited in this essay is not an appropriate source to use?

A: Cohen-Almagor (2009)Incorrect: This is an appropriate academic source published in a peer -reviewed Journal of Medical Ethics.

B: EUTHANASIA WORKSHEET 1 CASE STUDIES CASE STUDY 1 (2006)Correct: The worksheet is not an academic source and should not be used as a reference in the essay. Furthermore, the source was published in 2006, and outdated sources published more than 10 years ago are generally not recommended to be used in academic essays.

C: Smets, et al. (2010)Incorrect: This is an appropriate academic source published in a peer -reviewed journal of Medical Care.