Most ofIssue No. 2: The claim needs to be mitigated by using the hedging expression some instead of most of.
Click here for Hedging issue parents are thinking aboutIssue No. 3: The less formal and less academic phrasal verb thinking about needs to be replaced by a more formal and more academic verb considering. to give their childIssue No. 4: A more contextually appropriate expression having their child study needs to be used instead of to give their child… toIssue No. 5: The preposition to needs to be replaced by the preposition at. a musicalIssue No. 6: The adjective musical needs to be replaced by music in a set phrase music school. school or notIssue No. 7: The phrase or not is redundant and needs to be avoided at the end of this sentence. . However, everyoneIssue No. 8: A vague expression everyone needs to be replaced by a more precise expression various researchers.
Issue No. 9: The claim needs to be substantiated with some research-based evidence in the form of citations.
Click here for Evidence issue knowsIssue No. 10: A more appropriate reporting verb believe needs to be used instead of the verb know. thatIssue No. 11: The relative pronoun that needs to be replaced with which.
Issue No. 12: The preposition in needs to be added before which. music is the only art form that a child can takeIssue No. 13: A more contextually appropriate verb participate needs to be used instead of the verb take. immediately after birth, or even before birth. DoubtlessIssue No. 14: The use of overly confident language like doubtless needs to be avoided in academic writing., thatIssue No. 15: The pronoun that is not needed in this sentence. startingIssue No. 16: The capital letter S needs to be used in Starting at the beginning of the sentence. a musical education for theIssue No. 17: The indefinite article a needs to be used in this sentence.
Click here for Indefinite Article issue child will beIssue No. 18: The present tense of the verb to be is needed instead of the future tense.
Click here for Tense issue a crucial step in all aspects of his or her education, because of manyIssue No. 19: The definite article the needs to be used.
Click here for Definite Article issue benefitsIssue No. 20: The phrase it brings needs to be added after benefits. such asIssue No. 21: A comma needs to be added before the phrase such as.
Click here for Comma issue developing strong discipline, hearingIssue No. 22: A more contextually appropriate expression listening skills needs to be used instead of hearing. and intelligence.
As a ruleIssue No. 23: The colloquial expression As a rule needs to be avoided in academic writing.
Issue No. 24: The signposting expression Firstly needs to be used at the beginning of the paragraph., music classes usuallyIssue No. 25: The claim needs to be mitigated by using the modal verb can instead of the adverb usually.
Click here for Hedging issue encourageIssue No. 26: A more contextually appropriate verb engender needs to be used instead of the verb encourage. willIssue No. 27: A more contextually appropriate noun phrase strong will needs to be used instead of the noun will. and discipline, thusIssue No. 28: The conjunction thus needs to be preceded by a semicolon in a complex sentence.
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Issue No. 29: The conjunction thus needs to be followed by a comma in a complex sentence.
Click here for Comma issue for musicians, it is necessary to practice playing constantly,Issue No. 30: The adverb constantly is not appropriate to use in this context.
Issue No. 31: A comma is not needed after constantly.
Click here for Comma issue regularly, in other wordsIssue No. 32: The information in this clause is redundant and irrelevant.
Click here for Redundancy issue, without interruption. In winter and summer, even on weekdays and holidaysIssue No. 33: The information in this sentence is redundant and irrelevant.
Click here for Redundancy issue. AlmostIssue No. 34: The sentence is incomplete and need to include a clear subject and verb.
Issue No. 35: The adverb almost is not needed in the sentence. with the same tenacity with which championsIssue No. 36: The statement needs to be made more precise by using the adjective sporting before champions. train in the gym and at the rinkIssue No. 37: The information in this clause is redundant.
Click here for Redundancy issue. Nevertheless, unlike sports heroes, playing the piano, cannot broke neck or leg, or even handIssue No. 38: The claim is not relevant to the main argument in the paragraph.. In fact, playing on instrumentIssue No. 39: The indefinite article an needs to be used in this sentence.
Click here for Indefinite Article issue is character building, Issue No. 40: A comma is not needed before a dependent clause in a complex sentence.
Click here for Comma issuewithout risk of injuryIssue No. 41: The information in this clause is redundant and irrelevant.
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Issue No. 42: Some supporting evidence from research needs to be integrated in the paragraph.
Click here for Evidence issue.
Secondly, music lessons assistanceIssue No. 43: The verb assist rather than the noun assistance needs to be used in this sentence. toIssue No. 44: The preposition to needs to be replaced by the preposition in. evolve hearingIssue No. 45: A more contextually appropriate phrase improving an individual’s listening skills needs to be used.. One argument in support of this fact is that according to the researchIssue No. 46: The information in this clause is redundant.
Click here for Redundancy issue, “even if a baby was initially not inclined to the music, owing to practice, the child will reveal a hearing ability” (Johnson, 2007)Issue No. 47: It seems this is not a real quotation, or even if it is real, it has so much context taken away that it has become unintelligible.
Click here for In-text Citations issue. Moreover, each parentIssue No. 48: The plural form of the noun parents needs to be used in this sentence. can take their children to a music school or a specialIssue No. 49: The use of the phrase a special is redundant in this sentence. concert, where afterIssue No. 50: A comma is needed to set off the interrupter phrase.
Click here for Comma issue the performance, the young viewersIssue No. 51: A more contextually appropriate phrase listeners needs to be used instead of viewers because concert(music) is normally listened to. can try to remove the sound of the unique instrument.Issue No. 52: The claim made in this sentence is not entirely clear and needs to be reworded and/or explained further.
BesidesIssue No. 53: The signposting expression Besides needs to be replaced by Thirdly at the beginning of the paragraph because it introduces the third main point of the essay., musical educationIssue No. 54: The phrase in favour of the utility of music needs to be added to the sentence to make it clearer and more explicit.
Issue No. 55: The introductory phrase needs to be followed by the comma.
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Issue No. 56: The indefinite article a needs to be used before the noun phrase musical education.
Click here for Indefinite Article issue has a positive domination on the expansion ofIssue No. 57: A more contextually appropriate expression effect on needs to be used in this sentence. intelligence in general. As Dr.Issue No. 58: The use of a person’s title Dr. is not needed in in-text citations.
Click here for In-text Citations issue Richard (2016)Issue No. 59: The author’s last name rather than first name needs to be used in-text. stateIssue No. 60: The singular form of the verb states needs to used for subject-verb agreement in the sentence. “The earlier a little creaturesIssue No. 61: The singular form of the noun creature needs to be used in the adjective+noun phrase preceded by the indefinite article a. come to grips with music, the more the brain growth will be influenced. ItIssue No. 62: The noun music needs to be added to the quote in order to be more precise and clear what the pronoun it refers to. sets them up for life”. Since, major compositions split into smaller parts, which in turnIssue No. 63: The interrupter phrase in turn needs to be set off a comma before it.
Issue No. 64: The interrupter phrase in turn needs to be set off a comma after it.
Click here for Comma issue dividedIssue No. 65: The verb to be needs to be used before the main verb in the sentence. into a tinyIssue No. 66: The use of informal descriptive adjectives like tiny needs to be avoided in academic writing. aIssue No. 67: The indefinite article a is not needed to be used before the plural noun phrase fragments and threads.
Click here for Indefinite Article issue fragments and threads, consisting of miniatureIssue No. 68: The use of informal descriptive adjectives like miniature needs to be avoided in academic writing. phrases and motifs, the brain itself parses and memorizesIssue No. 69: The claim needs to be mitigated by using the modal verb may before the main verb memorize.
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Issue No. 70: The infinitive form of the verb memorize needs to be used after the modal verb may in this sentence. allIssue No. 71: The claim needs to be mitigated by using the pronoun some instead of all in this sentence.
Click here for Hedging issue parts of the compositions. ParadoxicallyIssue No. 72: The signposting expression Paradoxically is not relevant in this context. , butIssue No. 73: The conjunction but is not needed in this sentence. making of melody affects the mental development of the child.Issue No. 74: Earlier in the paragraph the writer was talking about listening to melodies, but in this sentence they seem to be talking about making melodies. There needs to be a clear focus throughout the paragraph.
Sometimes theIssue No. 75: The indefinite article a needs to be used before the noun child in this sentence.
Click here for Indefinite Article issue child isIssue No. 76: The auxiliary verb to be is not needed in this sentence. categorically refuses to be engaged in music school, Issue No. 77: A comma is not needed before a dependent clause in a complex sentence.
Click here for Comma issuebecause of the lack of time forIssue No. 78: The preposition with needs to be used instead of the preposition for. friends, fun and hobbies. Besides, children frequently do not associate their lives with a musical career, so many of these extra classes will interfere for normal childhoodIssue No. 79: The indefinite article a needs to be used before the noun phrase normal childhood.
Click here for Indefinite Article issue
Issue No. 80: The sentence needs to be divided into two shorter sentences to avoid having a run-on sentence.
Click here for Run-on Sentence issue, whenIssue No. 81: The use of when is not needed in this sentence. childrenIssue No. 82: The capital letter C needs to be used in Children at the beginning of the sentence. want to run around in the yard, climb trees, watch TV, and not to sit all day at the pianoIssue No. 83: The unnecessarily specific phrase at the piano needs to be replaced by a more general expression and play a musical instrument.. On the other handIssue No. 84: The conjunction On the other hand is irrelevant and inappropriate in this sentence. , in order toIssue No. 85: The capital letter I needs to be used in In order to at the beginning of the sentence. avoid those momentsIssue No. 86: A more contextually appropriate expression this situation needs to be used in this sentence. , one of the positive examples ofIssue No. 87: The phrase one of the positive examples of needs to be replaced by a more appropriate phrase. familiarizing the baby toIssue No. 88: The preposition with needs to be used instead of the preposition to. musicIssue No. 89: The mitigated expression may be achieved through needs to be added in the sentence.
Click here for Hedging issue, is aIssue No. 90: The indefinite article a is not needed to be used before the noun phrase cooperative learning.
Click here for Indefinite Article issue cooperative learning. For instance, Issue No. 94: The types of activities need to be specified in the sentence. with mother, when she can be also involved in music as well as her daughterIssue No. 91: A more contextually appropriate statement parents may play with their children needs to be used in this sentence. , and perform tasksIssue No. 92: A more contextually appropriate noun activities needs to be used instead of tasks. together, creating a variety of exciting game momentsIssue No. 93: The phrase creating a variety of exciting game moments uses some emotional vocabulary which needs to be avoided in academic writing. .
To learn or not to learn,Issue No. 95: A comma is not needed after to learn or not to learn in this sentence.
Click here for Comma issue itIssue No. 96: The pronoun it is not needed in this sentence. is only a child’s decisionIssue No. 97: A more appropriate and formal expression the decision made by the child needs to be used in this sentence., but to teach or not to teach, itIssue No. 98: The pronoun it is not needed in this sentence. will dependIssue No. 99: The present simple tense needs to be used in this sentence rather than future tense in order to adhere to the sequence of tenses. on his or herIssue No. 100: The definite article the needs to be used in this sentence.
Click here for Definite Article issue parents. If people want their children willIssue No. 101: The to+infinitive needs to be used after the verb want in this sentence. be wealthy and emotionally saturated, if they want their child to become successful, fully developed, motivated, and happy, parents should give young people this opportunity. Ability to play on their favorite musical instruments and enjoy learning.Issue No. 102: It is not entirely clear how the writer can conclude about wealth and emotional stability since these were not mentioned in the main body of the essay.
References:Issue No. 103: A number of issues were identified with the use of sources in this essay: 1. More than two sources should have been included in the Reference list. 2. The writer should have used some academic sources, i.e., from books and peer-reviewed journals, in addition to the websites. 3. The last name of the author followed by the first name initial need to be given in the Reference list. The first source in the list seems to begin with the first name and does not contain the author’s last name. 4. The second source in the Reference list has not been cited in the essay; therefore, it needs to be excluded.
Dr. Richard (2016). Volunteer for Social Change. Eleven Facts About Music Education. Available from https://www.dosomething.org/facts/11-facts-about-music-education [Accessed 30 October 2016].
Letts, R., and Johnson, C. (2016). Schoolatoz. Good reasons why your child should study music. Available from http://www.sch?olat?z.nsw.edu.au/homework-and-study/other-subjects-and-projects/the-arts/why-your-child-should-study-music [Accessed 30 October 2016].