1. Both body paragraphs of the essay contain examples and evidence from research to support the main claim made by the writer.
2. The linking words and transition are overall used accurately and help to establish cohesion within the paragraphs.
3. The writer has cited only up-to-date references, i.e., published within the last few years.
1. The thesis statement is not entirely clear and structured and requires revision.
2. The main points developed in the the essay do not follow the same sequence as introduced in the thesis statement.
3. A number of sources cited in the essay are not included in the Reference list.
“I am too busy to cook” (James, 2010), this expression which was very popular among adults become normal for 80.2% of whole Americans, who prefer fast foods to the home made
(Hamphil, 2010). Majority of people consider junk food as dangerous one, because of their doubtful name, unhealthy paste and this list could go on. However, the question arises whether is it so terrible as it seems? If look at this question from another angle, it can be seen a lot of reasons to be keen on eating fast foods. Affordable price, speed and availability at any part where a person was not making them more popular than elite restaurants.
Busy schedule; lack of time all that a hundreds of daily runs with which come across modern people. They make easier so complicated things and choose fast foods which do not require time or effort in order to spend more time with family or just relax. According to Adam (2013), believes that 50.1% of Americans are opt junk food not miss in the kitchen like spider in a web and not lose important moments in life. Also fast food cafes are available around the world. Sometimes it is just little independent vendor cars, New York taco trucks or hot dog vans can be a good proof of ready cooked foods affordability.
Another reason to make a choice in a favor of fast food is their low price. Today cooking any dishes require not only strength, but also some money to buy useful products, while there is no guarantee that you get desired result. Moreover, when a person does not have enough time for cooking it is very comfortable to buy junk food, which is also very convenient during the traveling.
Junk foods do not only contain harmful ingredients, there is also lack of nutrition. If believe to American Heart Association (2015), consuming of trans foods could be the reason of different heart illnesses. But from another side “One meal at fast food cafe contain daily needed amount of calories”. Therefore, they could be healthy if do not overdo their use (Karen, 2016)
By way of conclusion, based on all the above mentioned plus and minuses could be mentioned that fast foods still have it is own huge audience. For this reason, it would be better not to look for the harm and disadvantages of them but try to make healthier the favors of most.
References
1.American Heart Association (2015). Hearted. Available from http://www.heart.org [Accessed 3 October 2016] .
2.Karen, M.C. (2016). Fast Food Industry Analysis- Cost and Trends, 2nd ed. New York:
Open University Press [Accessed 3 October 2016].
“I am too busy to cook” (James, 2010)Issue No. 1: It is important to avoid starting an a academic essay with a quotation.
Issue No. 2: The last name of the author rather than their first name needs to be used in text.
Click here for In-text Citations issue
Issue No. 3: This source needs to be included in the Reference list at the end of the essay.
Click here for Referencing issue, this expression which was very popular among adults becomeIssue No. 4: The present perfect tense of the verb become needs to be used in this sentence.
Click here for Tense issue normal for 80.2% Issue No. 5: Statistics do not need to be reported to that level of detail.of wholeIssue No. 6: The use of whole before Americans is redundant since it is clear that the whole nation is meant here. Americans, who prefer fast foodsIssue No. 7: The phrase fast food needs to be used instead of fast foods. to theIssue No. 8: No definite article the should be used here.
Click here for Definite Article issue home madeIssue No. 9: The phrase homemade needs to be spelled as one word.
Issue No. 10: The noun phrase needs to be completed by adding the noun meals. (Hamphil, 2010)Issue No. 11: This source needs to be included in the Reference list at the end of the essay.. MajorityIssue No. 12: The definite article the needs to be used before majority.
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Issue No. 13: The lower-case m needs to be used in the noun majority. of people consider junk food as dangerous oneIssue No. 14: The use of one is redundant in this sentence.
Click here for Redundancy issue, becauseIssue No. 15: The comma should not be used before because of in a dependent clause.
Click here for Comma issue of theirIssue No. 16: It needs to be made clear what their refers to in this sentence. doubtful name, unhealthy pasteIssue No. 17: The meaning needs to be made clear in this sentence. and this list could go onIssue No. 18: A more concise academic expression needs to be used here.
Click here for Wordiness issue
Issue No. 19: The citation is needed to substantiate the claim made in this sentence.
Click here for Evidence issue. However, the question arises whether is itIssue No. 20: The auxiliary verb to be needs to be placed after the pronoun it in the sentence. soIssue No. 21: The conjunction so needs to be replaced with as. terrible as it seems? IfIssue No. 22: The subject one is needed in this sentence. lookIssue No. 23: The singular form of the verb looks is needed. at this question from another angleIssue No. 24: A more formal and academic expression needs to be used., it can be seenIssue No. 25: The clause that there are needs to be added in this sentence. a lot ofIssue No. 26: A more appropriate academic expression many needs to be used instead of a lot of in this sentence. reasons to be keen onIssue No. 27: A more academic one-word verb like needs to be used instead of a less formal keen on. eating fast foodsIssue No. 28: The phrase fast food needs to be used instead of fast foods.. Affordable price, speed and availability at any part where a person was not making them more popular than elite restaurants.Issue No. 29: The thesis statement is badly structured and not entirely clear.
Busy schedule; lack of time all that a hundreds of daily runs with which come across modern people.Issue No. 30: The statement needs to be made clear and concise by eliminating unnecessary words. They make easier so complicated things and choose fast foods which do not require time or effort in order to spend more time with family or just relax.Issue No. 31: The statement needs to be made clear and concise by eliminating unnecessary words.
Click here for Wordiness issue According to Adam (2013)Issue No. 32: This source needs to be included in the Reference list at the end of the essay.
Issue No. 33: The last name of the author rather than their first name needs to be used in text.
Click here for In-text Citations issue, believes thatIssue No. 34: The use of a reporting verb is not needed when According to is used in the same sentence.
Click here for In-text Citations issue 50.1%Issue No. 35: Statistics do not need to be reported to that level of detail. of Americans areIssue No. 36: The verb to be should not be used here. optIssue No. 37: A more formal academic vocabulary choose needs to be used instead of a less formal opt. junk foodIssue No. 38: The terms fast food and junk food do not have exactly the same meaning. It is important to be aware that fast food is served at a fast food restaurant, such as Mcdonalds, while junk food is a specific type of low quality food such as chips, pop and others. not miss in the kitchen like spider in a webIssue No. 39: The statement needs to be made clear and concise by eliminating unnecessary words.
Click here for Wordiness issue and not lose important moments in lifeIssue No. 40: The statement needs to be made clear and concise by eliminating unnecessary words.
Click here for Wordiness issue. AlsoIssue No. 41: A comma is needed after the conjunction Also at the beginning of the sentence.
Click here for Comma issue fast food cafes are available around the world. Sometimes it is just little independent vendor carsIssue No. 42: A more contextually appropriate expression vendors needs to be used instead of vendor cars., New York taco trucks or hot dog vans can be a good proof ofIssue No. 43: A more concise expression exemplify needs to be used instead of a wordy expression be a good proof of.
Click here for Wordiness issue ready cooked foodsIssue No. 44: The possessive form of the noun foods’ needs to be used. affordability.
Another reason to make a choice in a favor of fast food is theirIssue No. 45: The singular form of the pronoun it is needed because it refers to fast food. low price. TodayIssue No. 46: A comma is needed after the introductory word Today at the beginning of the sentence.
Click here for Comma issue cooking any dishesIssue No. 47: The singular form of the noun dish is needed in this sentence. requireIssue No. 48: The singular verb form requires is needed to establish subject-verb agreement. not only strengthIssue No. 49: A more contextually expression will needs to be used instead of strengths in this sentence., but also someIssue No. 50: The pronoun some is not needed before money in this sentence. money to buy useful productsIssue No. 51: A more contextually appropriate expression the ingredients needs to be used instead of useful products., whileIssue No. 52: The conjunction and is more appropriate than while in this sentence. there is no guarantee that youIssue No. 53: The use of second person pronoun you needs to be avoided in academic writing. It could be replaced with one in this sentence. getIssue No. 54: The singular verb form gets is needed to establish subject-verb agreement. desired resultIssue No. 55: The definite article the is needed before the noun phrase desired result.
Click here for Definite Article issue
Issue No. 56: The citation is needed to substantiate the claim made in this sentence. . Moreover, when a person does not have enough time for cookingIssue No. 57: A comma is needed after a dependent clause in a complex sentence.
Click here for Comma issue it is very comfortableIssue No. 58: A more contextually appropriate adjective easy needs to be used instead of comfortable in this sentence. to buy junk food, which is also very convenient duringIssue No. 59: The preposition during needs to be replaced with while. theIssue No. 60: The definite article the is not needed here.
Click here for Definite Article issue traveling.
Junk foodsIssue No. 61: The phrase junk food needs to be used instead of junk foods. doIssue No. 62: The singular verb form does is needed to establish subject-verb agreement. not only contain harmful ingredientsIssue No. 63: A coordinating conjunction but is needed between the two independent clauses in a compound sentence. , there is also lack of nutritionIssue No. 64: The structure of the sentence needs to be revised to make it more accurate and clear.. If believe toIssue No. 65: A more academic expression According to needs to be used in this sentence. American Heart AssociationIssue No. 66: The definite article the is needed before the name of the organisation.
Click here for Definite Article issue (2015), consumingIssue No. 67: A more appropriate expression the consumption needs to be used instead of consuming. of trans foodsIssue No. 68: A more contextually appropriate expression trans-fats is needed in this sentence. could be the reason ofIssue No. 69: A more concise academic expression cause needs to be used in this sentence.
Click here for Wordiness issue differentIssue No. 70: The use of the adjective different is redundant in this sentence.
Click here for Redundancy issue heart illnessesIssue No. 71: The collocation heart disease needs to be used instead of the heart illnesses. . ButIssue No. 72: The conjunction but needs to be avoided at the beginning of the sentence.
Issue No. 73: A more contextually appropriate and relevant conjunction Additionally needs to be used here. from another side “One meal at fast food cafeIssue No. 74: This quotation seems to be not a direct quote. It is important to use quotation marks only when using the exact words from the original source.
Click here for In-text Citations issue containIssue No. 75: The singular verb form contains is needed to establish subject-verb agreement. daily needed amount of calories”Issue No. 76: The author’s name needs to be included immediately after the quotation.
Click here for In-text Citations issue. Therefore, theyIssue No. 77: It needs to be made clear that the pronoun they refers to people. could be healthy ifIssue No. 78: The pronoun they is needed after if in this sentence. do not overdo their useIssue No. 79: A more appropriate and clear expression do not eat too much fast food is needed. (KarenIssue No. 80: The last name of the author rather than their first name needs to be used in text.
Click here for In-text Citations issue, 2016)
By way of conclusionIssue No. 81: The signposting expression In conclusion needs to be used here. , based on allIssue No. 82: The use of the expression all is redundant in this sentence.
Click here for Redundancy issue the above mentioned plus and minusesIssue No. 83: A more formal academic expression advantages and disadvantages needs to be used instead of plus and minuses.
Issue No. 84: The phrase of fast food needs to be added here to make it clear what the advantages and disadvantages refer to.
Issue No. 85: A comma is needed after the dependent clause in this sentence.
Click here for Comma issue couldIssue No. 86: The subject-pronoun it- is needed. be mentionedIssue No. 87: A more appropriate reporting verb suggested needs to be used instead of the verb mentioned in this sentence. that fast foodsIssue No. 88: The phrase fast food needs to be used instead of fast foods. still haveIssue No. 89: The singular verb form has is needed to establish subject-verb agreement. it isIssue No. 90: The possessive pronoun its is needed here. own huge audienceIssue No. 91: The expression audience needs to be replaced with customer base in this sentence.. For this reason, it would be better not to look for the harm and disadvantages of themIssue No. 92: It needs to be made clear what the pronoun them refers to in this sentence. but try to make healthier the favors of mostIssue No. 93: The sentence structure needs to be made more concise and clear.
Issue No. 94: The conclusion should not contain any new information not mentioned earlier in the body of the essay..
ReferencesIssue No. 95: A number of issues were identified with the References in this essay: 1. More than two sources should have been included in the References. 2. The writer should have included in the References all the sources cited in the essay. 3. The writer should have used more academic sources, i.e., from books and peer-reviewed journals.
1.American Heart Association (2015). Hearted. Available from http://www.heart.org [Accessed 3 October 2016] .
2.Karen, M.C. (2016). Fast Food Industry Analysis- Cost and Trends, 2nd ed. New York:
Open University Press [Accessed 3 October 2016].
Question 1:
According to the thesis statement, how many body paragraphs, the paragraphs that come after the introduction and before the conclusion and develop the main argument, is this essay supposed to consist of?
A: OneIncorrect: The thesis statement outlines the three main points: low price, speed of delivery and availability. Each body paragraphs needs to focus on one main point; therefore, this essay should have not one but three body paragraphs.
B: TwoIncorrect: The thesis statement outlines the three main points: low price, speed of delivery and availability. Each body paragraphs should focus on one main point; therefore, this essay should have not two but three body paragraphs.
C: ThreeCorrect: The thesis statement outlines the three main points: low price, speed of delivery and availability. Each body paragraphs needs to focus on one main point; therefore, this essay needs to have three body paragraphs.
Question 2:
What is the common error in the use of in-text citations in this essay?
A: On several occasions, the author’s first name instead of the last name has been used in text, e.g., James (2010), Adam (2013) and Karen (2016)Correct: Only the last name of the author and the year of publication need to appear in text; no first name should be used.
B: On several occasions, quotation marks are missing in the citationIncorrect: The writer might have paraphrased or summarised the information from the original source; therefore, they did not include quotation marks. The use of quotation marks is needed only when the exact words from the original source are used.
C: On several occasions, statistics have been used by the writerIncorrect: There is nothing wrong with including statistics to make claims stronger.
Question 3:
What is the main strength of the third paragraph over the second paragraph of the essay?
A: The third paragraph uses more up-to-date sources than the second paragraphIncorrect: Both paragraphs use up-to-date sources, i.e., published within the last five years.
B: The third body paragraph is longer than the second oneIncorrect: Longer does not necessarily mean better structured and clearer; therefore, it should not be considered one of the weaknesses of the paragraph. There are some other more critical issues to be aware of, e.g., clarity of the topic sentence, use of evidence, etc.
C: The third paragraph has a clear topic sentence while it is not entirely what the topic sentence is in the second paragraphCorrect: There is no clear topic sentence at the beginning of the second paragraph. However, in the topic sentence of paragraph 3, the writer clearly states one of the arguments in favour of fast food: Another reason to make a choice in a favour of fast food is their low price.
Question 4:
What did the writer do well in terms of the Reference list?
A: The writer has included in the Reference list all sources cited in the essayIncorrect: Only two sources cited in the essay appear in the Reference list. In academic writing, it is important to have a complete Reference list, which would include all sources cited in the essay.
B: The writer arranged the references in alphabetical orderCorrect: All references in the Reference list must appear in alphabetical order by the last name of the author or name of the organisation.
C: The writer has included some journal articles in the reference listIncorrect: No journal articles are included in the Reference list. However, in academic essays, it is important to cite some papers from academic peer-reviewed journals and include them in the Reference list because these are the reliable sources of information.
