1. The essay has a clear structure- it consists of an introduction, two main body paragraphs and a conclusion.
2. The thesis statement gives a clear account of the main points that are logically developed in each body paragraph.
3. Linking words and phrases are used skilfully within and between paragraphs to help to achieve cohesion and clarity of the argument in the essay.
4. Research-based evidence is overall well-integrated in the essay.
Strengths:
Weaknesses:
1. The topic sentence stated at the beginning of paragraphs 2 and 3 need to be made clearer. For example, in paragraph 2, it is it is not entirely clear which solution the writer is talking about.
2. The writer should have defined the term they have introduced in the third paragraph of the essay, e.g., interaction therapy.
3. The concluding sentence in the fourth paragraph does not logically follow from the rest of the essay.
4. The writer should have been more precise and accurate when referring to either children or parents throughout the essay to avoid confusing the audience.
Problem Solution Essay Six:
Separation Anxiety Disorders in Children
National Comorbidity Research Centre reported that around 4.1% children in the world suffer from separation anxiety disorders, and if some actions are not duly taken to tackle this issue, 36% of these cases will be persecuting people until adulthood period. (Shear, cited in Ehrenreich,2008). This type of anxiety disorders has become a major concern currently. The causes of this mental problem range from parental deprivation and their ill-treatment, children’s separation from family and failure of adaptation to unknown environment. Consequently, the problem can be symptomized by such diseases as headache, racing heartbeat, nausea, distress and incompetence to interact properly with society. Moreover, additional behavioral problems such as refusal going outside with friends, social phobia and self-isolation can also be spotted as a result of this issue. Although, this mental problem is a severe challenge faced by some children, they can possibly be overcome by medical and psychotherapy treatments, parents’ mutual understanding and parent-child interaction therapy.
First, but not the most effective solution of eradication this health problem would be for children to be treated by psychotherapy and medicines. Some examples of children directed treatment in psychotherapy can be a body contact and relaxation exercises which will help to reduce the child’s anxiety level. In addition to this, setting emotional contact with the child and teach him social behavior skills can help the child to better understand themselves and others, reduce anxiety and increase their confidence. As it was reported in American Psychological Association, people, suffering from this mental disorder will be able to “reduce or eliminate their anxiety symptoms and return to normal functioning” after such several psychotherapy treatments. (2010,no page).However, these kinds of treatments might have a short-term effect on children’s health and the issue will eventually not be totally eradicated. Despite this limitation, however, the appropriate psychotherapy could positively influence the child’s psychology, contribute to exit from negative thoughts and alter their cognition, even for some period.
Another method of fighting separation anxiety disorder would be for parents not to confront each other in front of their children and provide them interaction therapy instead. As Wood reported, most childhood anxieties are evolved owing to “overprotective and over involved parenting behaviors”(cited in Ehrenreich, 2008,no page).Such kind of conversations like “the child is small, he does not understand anything yet”,“he does not care”,“he quickly forgets everything” during parents’ conflict means a breach in children-parent relationship and consequently impair their condition. The loss of family, even if it is dysfunctional, is a double-trauma for the children on the one hand and ill-treatment and negative experiences on the conversation on the other. Instead of these conflicts, parents would better provide interaction therapy in order to prevent this type of disorders in their children. Learning wishes, habits, taking them into account, initiating positive interaction, showing first attention and interest of children’s deeds and feelings, expressing warmth and involvement, hugging them gently and calming down are considered to be an efficient cure in children directed interactions.
To conclude, separation anxiety disorder is a significant problem among children in modern life, leading to fussiness and anti-social behavior. The suggested solutions are not easy to implement as every family has its conflicts and also challenging for psychotherapists to always soothe down the children with such mental disorders. However, if these solutions are to put, children will not be worrying and distressing themselves. Therefore, let’s provide every child with normal childhood, so that they will not compare themselves to their joyful peers.
References
1.American Psychology Association (2010). Understanding Anxiety Disorders and Effective FYI Treatment, Washington, DC. Available from www.apapracticecentral.org/outreach/anxiety-disorders.pdf?_ga=1.111994370.788156693.1477084124 [Accessed 23 November 2016].
2.Ehrenreich, J.T., Santucci, L.C. and Weinrer, C. L. (2008). Separation anxiety disorder in youth: Phenomenology, assessment, and treatment. Psicol Conductual, 16 (3): 389–412. doi:10.1901/jaba.2008.16-389.
Available from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2788956/#R16.
[Accessed 23 Novebmer 2016]
Problem Solution Essay Six:
Separation Anxiety Disorders in Children
Legend:
Idea Development Academic Style Grammatical Accuracy Lexical Appropriacy Source Use Macrostructure Spelling Accuracy Punctuation Accuracy
National Comorbidity Research CentreIssue No. 1: The definite article the needs to be used with the name of the organisation.
Click here for Definite Article issue reported that around 4.1% children in the world suffer from separation anxiety disorders,Issue No. 2: The sentence should be divided into two sentences to avoid the problem of a run-on sentence. andIssue No. 3: The coordinating conjunction and is no longer needed in this sentence. ifIssue No. 4: The word If needs to be capitalised since it is the first word in the sentence. some actionsIssue No. 5: The singular form of the noun action needs to be used in this sentence.
Issue No. 6: The use of the pronoun some is no longer needed because the singular noun action is used in this sentence. areIssue No. 7: The singular form of the verb to be needs to be used in order to establish subject-verb agreement in the sentence. not duly taken to tackle this issue, 36% of these cases will be persecutingIssue No. 8: A more appropriate verb continue should be used in this sentence. peopleIssue No. 9: The noun people should no longer be used in this sentence as a result of the revision made to the verb in the sentence. until adulthood periodIssue No. 10: The noun period is redundant in this sentence.
Click here for Redundancy issue . (ShearIssue No. 11: The year of publication needs to be included after the author’s last name Shear.
Click here for In-text Citations issue, cited in EhrenreichIssue No. 12: The last name of the author needs to be followed by et al. because there are two other co-authors of the source cited.
Click here for In-text Citations issue,2008). This type of anxiety disordersIssue No. 13: The singular form of the noun disorder should be used in this sentence. has become a major concern currentlyIssue No. 14: The adverb currently is redundant because the present perfect tense used in this sentence already means “currently”.
Click here for Redundancy issue. TheIssue No. 15: The claim needs to be mitigated by using the phrase some proposed causes in order to indicate that these are not the only existing causes.
Click here for Hedging issue causes of this mental problem range fromIssue No. 16: A more concise verb to be should be used instead of the phrase range from. parental deprivation and theirIssue No. 17: The use of their is redundant in this sentence.
Click here for Redundancy issue ill-treatment, children’s separation from family and failure of adaptation to unknown environmentIssue No. 18: The plural form of the noun environments needs to be used in this sentence.. Consequently, the problem can be symptomized by such diseasesIssue No. 19: A more appropriate noun conditions should be used in this sentence. as headacheIssue No. 20: The plural form of the noun headaches needs to be used in this sentence., racing heartbeatIssue No. 21: The indefinite article a needs to be used before a singular noun phrase racing heartbeat in this sentence., nausea, distress and incompetence to interact properlyIssue No. 22: The preposition in needs to be used after incompetence in this sentence. with society. Moreover, additional behavioral problems such as refusal goingIssue No. 23: The preposition to needs to be used after the noun refusal in this sentence. outside with friends, social phobia and self-isolationIssue No. 24: The noun isolation needs to be used instead of self-isolation. can also be spottedIssue No. 25: A more appropriate verb ascertained should be used instead of a less formal verb spotted. as a result of this issue. Although,Issue No. 26: A comma should not be used after the conjunction Although in a dependent clause of the sentence.
Click here for Comma issue this mentalIssue No. 27: The use of adjective mental is contextually inappropriate in this sentence. problem is a severe challenge faced by some children, theyIssue No. 28: The pronoun it should be used instead of the pronoun they in this sentence because it refers to a singular noun problem. can possibly be overcome by medical and psychotherapyIssue No. 29: The form of the determiner needs to be changed from noun to adjective in this sentence. treatments, parents’Issue No. 30: The form of the word needs to be changed to the adjective parental in this sentence. mutualIssue No. 31: The adjective mutual is redundant in this sentence.
Click here for Redundancy issue understanding and parent-child interaction therapy.
FirstIssue No. 32: The definite article the needs to be used before the signposting expression first at the beginning of the sentence.
Click here for Definite Article issue
Issue No. 33: The lower-case letter f is needed in the word first because it is no longer the first word in the sentence. , butIssue No. 34: The claim needs to be mitigated by using a hedging expression perhaps.
Click here for Hedging issue not the most effectiveIssue No. 35: A comma should be used in order to set off the interrupter phrase in the middle of the sentence.
Click here for Comma issue solution ofIssue No. 36: The preposition to needs to be used instead of the preposition of after the noun solution. eradicationIssue No. 37: The definite article the needs to be used before the noun eradication.
Click here for Definite Article issue
Issue No. 38: The preposition of needs to be used after the noun eradication in this sentence. thisIssue No. 39: The claim needs to be made more precise and clear especially in the topic sentence. health problem would be for children to be treated by psychotherapy and medicines. Some examples of children directedIssue No. 40: The singular form of the word should be used in this sentence. treatment in psychotherapy can be aIssue No. 41: No indefinite article a should be used before body contact.
Click here for Indefinite Article issue body contact and relaxation exercises which will helpIssue No. 42: The present simple tense of the verb help is needed in this sentence.
Click here for Tense issue to reduce the child’s anxiety level. In addition to this, settingIssue No. 43: The verb setting is redundant in this sentence.
Click here for Redundancy issue emotional contact with the child and teachIssue No. 44: The gerund form teaching needs to be used in order to establish parallelism of syntactic structures in the sentence. himIssue No. 45: The gender-neutral pronoun them needs to be used because the gender of a child is unspecified in this sentence.
Click here for Gendered Language issue social behavior skills can help the child to better understand themselves and others, reduce anxiety and increase theirIssue No. 46: The use of their is unnecessarily in this sentence. confidence. As it wasIssue No. 47: A more concise structure should be used in this sentence.
Click here for Wordiness issue reported inIssue No. 48: The preposition by should be used instead of the preposition in here. American Psychological AssociationIssue No. 49: The definite article the needs to be used before the name of the association.
Click here for Definite Article issue, people,Issue No. 50: No comma is needed before the defining relative clause in the sentence.
Click here for Comma issue suffering from this mental disorder will be able to “reduce or eliminate their anxiety symptoms and return to normal functioning” after such several psychotherapy treatments. (2010,no pageIssue No. 51: The page number needs to be put in text only when it is known and/or given.).However, these kinds of treatments might have a short-term effect on children’s health and the issue willIssue No. 52: The claim needs to be mitigated by using a hedging verb may. eventually not be totally eradicatedIssue No. 53: A more appropriate phrase over time should be used in this sentence.. Despite this limitation, however, the appropriate psychotherapy could positively influence the child’s psychology, contribute to exit from negative thoughts and alter their cognition, evenIssue No. 54: A more academic expression albeit should be used here. forIssue No. 55: The claim needs to be mitigated by using a hedging expression possibly.
Click here for Hedging issue someIssue No. 56: A more appropriate phrase a short should be used in this sentence. period.
Another method of fighting separation anxiety disorder would be for parents not to confront each other in front of their childrenIssue No. 57: It is not entirely clear whether the writer meant children or parents in this sentence. and provide them interaction therapyIssue No. 58: The term interaction therapy needs to be defined once it has been introduced in the essay. instead. As WoodIssue No. 59: The year of publication needs to be included after the author’s last name Wood.
Click here for In-text Citations issue reported, most childhood anxieties are evolved owing to “overprotective and over involved parenting behaviors”(cited in EhrenreichIssue No. 60: The last name of the author needs to be followed by et al. because there are two other co-authors of the source cited.
Click here for In-text Citations issue, 2008,no pageIssue No. 61: The page number needs to be put in text only when it is known and/or given. ).Such kind ofIssue No. 62: An informal and wordy phrase Such kind of should be avoided at the beginning of the sentence. conversationsIssue No. 63: A more appropriate noun statements should be used here. likeIssue No. 64: The claim needs to be made more precise by adding the phrase by parents. “the child is small, heIssue No. 65: The gender-neutral pronoun they needs to be used because the gender of a child is unspecified in this sentence.
Click here for Gendered Language issue doesIssue No. 66: The plural form of the verb is needed in this sentence to establish subject-verb agreement. not understand anything yet”,“heIssue No. 67: The gender-neutral pronoun they needs to be used because the gender of a child is unspecified in this sentence.
Click here for Gendered Language issue doesIssue No. 68: The plural form of the verb is needed in this sentence to establish subject-verb agreement. not care”,“heIssue No. 69: The gender-neutral pronoun they needs to be used because the gender of a child is unspecified in this sentence.
Click here for Gendered Language issue quickly forgetsIssue No. 70: The plural form of the verb is needed in this sentence to establish subject-verb agreement. everything” during parents’Issue No. 71: The form of the word needs to be changed to the adjective parental in this sentence. conflict means a breach in children-parent relationship and consequently impairIssue No. 72: The sentence structure needs revision in order to achieve parallelism in the sentence. theirIssue No. 73: The claim should be made more precise and clear by using the noun phrase the child’s in this sentence. conditionIssue No. 74: It is not entirely clear what the original author intended to say here. The writer could have specified and elaborated on this statement.. The loss of family, even if it is dysfunctional, is a double-trauma for the children on the one handIssue No. 75: The linking phrase on the one hand needs to be set off with commas in the middle of the sentence.
Click here for Comma issue and ill-treatment and negative experiences on the conversation on the other. Instead of these conflicts, parents would betterIssue No. 76: The modal verb should needs to be used in this sentence. provide interaction therapy in order to prevent this type of disordersIssue No. 77: The singular form of the noun disorder is needed after the determiner this. in their children. Learning wishes, habits, taking them into account, initiating positive interaction, showing firstIssue No. 78: The word first is redundant in this sentence.
Click here for Redundancy issue attention and interest ofIssue No. 79: The preposition in needs to be used instead of the preposition of in this sentence. children’s deeds and feelingsIssue No. 80: The definite article the needs to be used here.
Click here for Definite Article issue
Issue No. 81: The singular form child’s needs to be used instead of children’s in this sentence., expressing warmth and involvement, hugging them gently and calmingIssue No. 82: The pronoun them needs to be used here to make it clearer who the writer is talking about. down are considered to be an efficient cureIssue No. 83: A more appropriate and less strong phase way to address should be used in this sentence. inIssue No. 84: No preposition should be used here. children directed interactionsIssue No. 85: It is not entirely clear what the writer means by children directed interactions..
To conclude, separation anxiety disorder is a significant problem among children in modern life,Issue No. 86: No comma should be used before a dependent clause in the middle of the sentence.
Click here for Comma issue leading to fussinessIssue No. 87: The noun fussiness is inappropriate in academic writing and has a negative connotation. and anti-social behavior. The suggestedIssue No. 88: A more appropriate adjective above suggested should be used instead of suggested in this sentence. solutions are not easy to implement as every family has its conflicts andIssue No. 89: A comma needs to be used before the coordinating conjunction and in a compound sentence.
Click here for Comma issue
Issue No. 90: The sentence structure needs to be revised. also challenging for psychotherapists to always soothe downIssue No. 91: The preposition down should not be used in this sentence. the children with such mental disorders. However, if these solutions are to putIssue No. 92: The phrase needs to be made complete by using into place after the verb put., children will not be worrying and distressing themselvesIssue No. 93: The present simple tense should be used instead of the present continuous in the sentence.. Therefore, let’sIssue No. 94: A more formal and appropriate for academic writing phrase we should needs to be used in this sentence. provide every child with normal childhoodIssue No. 95: The indefinite article a needs to be used before a singular noun phrase normal childhood in this sentence.
Click here for Indefinite Article issue,Issue No. 96: No comma should be used before so that. so that they will not compare themselves to their joyful peers.Issue No. 97: This sentence does not follow. The writer did not say anything about comparisons with peers in the body of the essay.
ReferencesIssue No. 98: The following issues with referencing have been identified in this essay: 1. More than two sources should be used as references in the essay. Only two sources have been used by the writer in this essay. Moreover, the first reference is not an academic source while the second one is slightly outdated. 2. The referencing details given in text should match with the details in the References. In this essay, the first source is spelled as the American Psychological Association (in-text), but it appears as American Psychology Association (in the References). 3. There is lack of consistency in referencing conventions in this essay. For example, in the first source, all words in the title are capitalised. However, in the second source, only the first word and the first word after the colon are capitalised. 4. A hanging indentation need to be used in each reference entry, i.e., every line after the first line should be moved a few spaces to the right. Furthermore, the sources in the References should not be numbered.
1.American Psychology Association (2010). Understanding Anxiety Disorders and Effective FYI Treatment, Washington, DC. Available from www.apapracticecentral.org/outreach/anxiety-disorders.pdf?_ga=1.111994370.788156693.1477084124 [Accessed 23 November 2016].
2.Ehrenreich, J.T., Santucci, L.C. and Weinrer, C. L. (2008). Separation anxiety disorder in youth: Phenomenology, assessment, and treatment. Psicol Conductual, 16 (3): 389–412. doi:10.1901/jaba.2008.16-389.
Available from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2788956/#R16.
[Accessed 23 Novebmer 2016]
Activities:
Question 1:
Which sentence expresses the main idea of the whole essay?
A: Consequently, the problem can be symptomized by such conditions as headaches, a racing heartbeat, nausea, distress and incompetence inproper interaction with societyIncorrect: This sentence gives some background information to the topic by listing some common problems or consequences associated with separation anxiety.
B: Although this problem is a severe challenge faced by some children, it can possibly be overcome by medical and psychotherapeutic treatments, parental understanding and parent-child interaction therapyCorrect: This is the thesis statement which expresses the main idea of the whole essay. Thesis statement usually appears at the end of the first paragraph and outlines the key solutions to the problem that are further developed in the essay.
C: To conclude, separation anxiety disorder is a significant problem among children in modern life leading to fussiness and anti-social behaviorIncorrect: Although this sentence highlights the significance of the problem, it does not give the main idea of the whole essay.
Question 2:
Which of the paragraphs contains a concluding sentence that does not logically follow from the rest of the claims in the paragraph?
A: Paragraph 4Correct: The concluding sentence in this paragraph does not logically follow from the rest of claims in the paragraph.
B: Paragraph 3Incorrect: The concluding sentence in this paragraph follows logically from the rest of the claims in the paragraph.
C: Paragraph 2Incorrect: The concluding sentence in this paragraph follows logically from the rest of the claims in the paragraph.
Question 3:
Which of the words or phrases (if any) that appears in the topic sentence of the third paragraph need to be defined?
A: Separation anxiety disorderIncorrect: This has already been explained and clearly defined in the first paragraph of the essay.
B: Interaction therapyCorrect: This phrase has not been mentioned earlier in the essay and needs to be defined or explained.
C: NoneIncorrect: There is one phrase, i.e., interaction therapy, which has not appeared earlier in the essay, and needs to be defined once it is mentioned.
Question 4:
What is the problem with the use of secondary citations in this essay?
A: Only the secondary source is given in the References. However, the writer should have included both the primary and the secondary source in the ReferencesIncorrect: This is not a problem in this essay. In fact, only the secondary source should be mentioned in the References. The primary source needs to be given in text, but not included in the References.
B: Two secondary citations have been used by the writer of this essay. However, secondary citations should be avoided in academic writingIncorrect: This is not an issue in this essay. Secondary citations are not entirely prohibited in academic writing. However, it is true that they need to be used sparingly, only when the original work is unavailable or out of print.
C: The year of publication is missing after the original authors’ names in the secondary citationsCorrect: In both cases, e.g., Shear (paragraph 1) and Wood (paragraph 3), the writer has not included the year of publication after the authors’ names. In academic writing, both primary and secondary source authors’ names must be followed by the year of publication.