1. The essay has a clear structure; it consists of an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion. 2. Each of the body paragraphs is very well-written containing a clear and precise topic sentence, supporting evidence followed by the writer’s own interpretation and discussion of the evidence, and a summary sentence at the end of the paragraph. 3. The writer has established cohesion between the paragraphs by using relevant signposting devices (e.g., One way to…, Another way to…, To conclude,) at the beginning of each paragraph. 4. The writer has skilfully used the in-text citations (both integral and non-integral ones) in the essay.
Strengths:
Weaknesses:
1. In two specific instances in the essay, the writer should have been more precise by defining and/or explaining the terms they have introduced, i.e., circadian pattern (in paragraph 2) and courses (in paragraph 4). 2. The writer has misused the definite (the) and indefinite (a/an) articles in the essay. They should have proofread their essay for grammatical accuracy. 3. The writer should have used research-based evidence from more than two academic sources, ideally published within the last five years.
Problem Solution Essay Seven:
Insomnia among college students
Insomnia, a severe and rapidly growing issue particularly among college students -is a sleep disorder in which person has difficulties with having proper sleep. One of the main causes of this problem is inadequate sleep hygiene, which includes improper diet, technology and stimulants abuse (Chervin and Hershner, 2014). Other major reasons of insomnia are stress at studies and irregular sleep schedule. As a result of insufficient sleep, students may face with poor academic performance, daytime drowsiness, and impairment of health and cognitive abilities. Even though, insomnia is highly predominant issue among college students and some measures should be taken to eradicate the problem. For instance, relax the pressure put on students and implement educational courses that teach time management and maintaining proper sleep hygiene.
One way to combat the problem of sleep deprivation among students is for the colleges to lessen the pressure, for example, make flexible timetable. It can be challenging for a student to cope with the amount of various assessments, early start of classes and study overstress. Studies by Chervin and Hershner concluded that the delay in time of the first class had a positive impact on students’ sleep duration, which eventually resulted in higher academic performance and improved attention. In addition, daytime drowsiness and falling asleep in class appeared less in students who had their class shifted (2014). In addition, as Gaultney points out, students who have less sleep are more likely to have lower Grade Point Average (GPA) than those who had sufficient sleep (2010). Consequently, by applying this solution into practice students will have more time to refresh in the mornings, the probability of having problems with concentration and acquiring knowledge will be lower. To sum up, flexible timetable and scheduling classes considering student’s circadian pattern, will prevent or reduce existing sleep disorders.
Another way to overcome this problem would be to organize educational courses in colleges to provide students with vital information about sleep hygiene and time management. According to statistics, more than 60% of adults aged 18-29 use technology (cell phones, computers) before bed, consumes energy drinks and four out of five students drink alcohol, the result is reported that the majority of students do not gain enough sleep and wake up unrefreshed (Chervin and Hershner, 2014). Time management is also a significant factor in terms of sleep hygiene that should be taught because many students are not able to manage their time properly and prioritize tasks, which leads them to do their homework or other tasks late after midnight. Educational programs are important for the reason that using technology, consuming drugs and different beverages prior to bed are major contributors of insomnia. Eventually, this will definitely encourage students to maintain healthy lifestyle and manage their time wisely. Overall, combating insomnia could increase the quality and effectiveness of studies.
To conclude, it is foreseeable that, educational courses and changing timetable will be difficult to implement. Organizing courses can be time consuming and it is for the limited number of students. Furthermore, shifts in schedule can be disadvantageous for teachers and institution. However, if the above-mentioned solutions were to happen students would improve their health and academic productivity. Therefore, it is important to make serious attempts to halt the rise of insomnia among young adults.
References
1.Chervin, R.D. and Hershner, S.D. (2014). Causes and consequences of sleepiness among college students. Nature and Science of sleep, 6, 73-84. Available from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4075951 [Accessed 23 October 2016]
2.Gaultney, J.F. (2010). The Prevalence of Sleep Disorders in College Students: Impact on Academic Performance. Journal of American College Health, 59 (2), 91-97. Available from http://www.csus.edu/faculty/m/fred.molitor/docs/sleep%20and%20academic%20performance.pdf
[Accessed 23 October 2016]
Problem Solution Essay Seven:
Insomnia among college students
Legend:
Idea Development Academic Style Grammatical Accuracy Lexical Appropriacy Source Use Macrostructure Spelling Accuracy Punctuation Accuracy
Insomnia, a severe and rapidly growing issue particularly among college students –Issue No. 1: The comma needs to be used instead of the dash to set off the interrupter phrase in the sentence.
Click here for Comma issueis a sleepIssue No. 2: The use of the word sleep is redundant here because this word has already been used once in the same sentence.
Click here for Redundancy issue disorder in which personIssue No. 3: The indefinite article a needs to be used before a singular noun person in the sentence.
Click here for Indefinite Article issue has difficulties with having proper sleep. One of the main causes of this problem is inadequate sleep hygiene,Issue No. 4: No comma should be used before which in a defining relative clause.
Click here for Comma issue which includes improper diet, technologyIssue No. 5: The conjunction and should be used here because the writer is talking about technology abuse and stimulant abuse. and stimulants abuse (Chervin and Hershner, 2014). Other major reasons ofIssue No. 6: The preposition for needs to be used instead of the preposition of after the noun reason. insomnia are stress at studies and irregular sleep schedule. As a result of insufficient sleep, students mayIssue No. 7: The hedging expression may is used effectively in this sentence.
Click here for Hedging issue face withIssue No. 8: The verb form be faced with needs to be used in this sentence. poor academic performance, daytime drowsiness, andIssue No. 9: The conjunction or should be used instead of and in this sentence because the writer is talking about one or more of the listed symptoms and not necessarily all of them. impairment of health and cognitive abilities. Even though, insomnia is highly predominant issue among college students and some measures should be taken to eradicate the problem. For instance, relax the pressure put on students and implement educational courses that teach time management and maintaining proper sleep hygiene.Issue No. 10: The two sentences should be combined in order to avoid the problem of a fragment.
Issue No. 11: The indefinite article a needs to be used before a singular noun phrase highly predominant issue in the sentence.
Click here for Indefinite Article issue
One way to combat the problem of sleep deprivation among students is for theIssue No. 12: The definite article the should not be used before the plural noun colleges in this sentence because colleges in general rather than some particular colleges are being talked about in this sentence.
Click here for Definite Article issue colleges to lessen the pressure, for example, make flexible timetable. It can be challenging for a student to cope with the amount of various assessments, early start of classes and study overstress. StudiesIssue No. 13: The singular form of the noun study should be used in this sentence because the writer is referring to one particular study by Chervin and Hershner (2014). by Chervin and Hershner concluded that the delay in time of the first classIssue No. 14: The plural form of the noun classes should be used in this sentence. had a positive impact on students’ sleep duration, which eventually resulted in higher academic performance and improved attention. In addition, daytime drowsiness and falling asleep in class appeared less in students who had their class shifted (2014). In addition, as Gaultney points out, students who have less sleep are more likely to have lower Grade Point AverageIssue No. 15: The indefinite article a needs to be used before the singular noun phrase lower Grade Point Average in this sentence.
Click here for Indefinite Article issue (GPA) than those who had sufficient sleep (2010). Consequently, by applying this solution into practiceIssue No. 16: The comma should be used to set off the introductory clause in this sentence.
Click here for Comma issue students will have more time to refresh in the mornings,Issue No. 17: The conjunction and should be used instead of the comma in this sentence. the probability of having problems with concentration and acquiring knowledge will be lower. To sum up, flexible timetable and scheduling classes consideringIssue No. 18: The comma should be used here to set off the interrupter phrase in the middle of the sentence.
Click here for Comma issue student’s circadian patternIssue No. 20: The term circadian pattern needs to be defined by the writer., willIssue No. 19: The claim needs to be mitigated by using a hedging expression may before the main verb prevent in this sentence.
Click here for Hedging issue prevent or reduce existing sleep disorders.
Another way to overcome this problem would be to organize educational courses in colleges to provide students with vital information about sleep hygiene and time management. According to statistics, more than 60% of adults aged 18-29 use technology (cell phones, computersIssue No. 21: The phrase e.g., needs to be added in order to make it clear that these are one some of the examples of technology and not the only ones.
Issue No. 22: The phrase etc. should be used after the two examples of technology to make it clear that the list could go on further.) before bed,Issue No. 23: The conjunction and needs to be used instead of the comma in this sentence.
Click here for Comma issue consumes energy drinks and four out of five students drink alcohol, the result is reported that the majority of students do not gainIssue No. 25: A more appropriate verb get should be used in a set phrase get …sleep. enough sleep and wake up unrefreshed (Chervin and Hershner, 2014). Time management is also a significant factor in terms ofIssue No. 26: The comma should be used here to set off the interrupter phrase in the middle of the sentence.
Click here for Comma issue sleep hygieneIssue No. 27: The comma should be used here to set off the interrupter phrase in the middle of the sentence.
Click here for Comma issue that should be taught because many students are not able to manage their time properly and prioritize tasks, which leads them to do their homework or other tasks late after midnight. Educational programs are important for the reason that using technology, consuming drugs and different beverages prior to bed are major contributors of insomnia. Eventually, this will definitely encourage students to maintain healthy lifestyle and manage their time wiselyIssue No. 28: The comparative more should be used in this sentence in order to avoid claiming that students do not manage their time wisely at all.
Click here for Hedging issue. Overall, combating insomnia could increase the quality and effectiveness of studies.
To conclude, it is foreseeable that, educational coursesIssue No. 29: The writer needs to be more precise when talking about the courses because it is not entirely clear which courses they refer to. and changing timetable will be difficult to implement. Organizing courses can be time consuming and it is for the limited number of students. Furthermore, shifts in scheduleIssue No. 30: The plural form of the noun schedules should be used in this sentence. can be disadvantageous for teachers and institutionIssue No. 31: The definite article the should be used before the noun institution in this sentence.
Click here for Definite Article issue. However, if the above-mentioned solutions were to happen students would improve their health and academic productivity. Therefore, it is important to make serious attempts to halt the rise of insomnia among young adults.
ReferencesIssue No. 32: A number of issues with the use of sources have been identified in this essay: 1. The writer should have used more sources to back up the claims made in the essay. Only two sources were used by the writer of this essay, which is not sufficient for an academic essay because it should contain evidence from a range of sources. 2. The writer should have been consistent with the use of sources. Firstly, there needs to be some consistency in capitalisation the article names and journal names. For example, in the reference entry by Chervin and Hershner (2014), only the first word of the article title is capitalised. However, in the reference entry by Gaultney (2010), every word in the title, except prepositions, is spelled with a capital letter. Secondly, the name of the journal in Chervin and Hershner (2014) should have every word capitalised. Finally, in Chervin and Hershner (2014), no issue number is given after the vollume number before the page numbers. 3. According to the APA referencing system, the vollume number of the journal needs to be italicised. Neither of the sources in the References section of this essay have the vollume number in italics. 4. No numbering of the sources should be used and a hanging indentation is needed in the References, i.e., every line after the first line should be moved a few spaces to the right.
1.Chervin, R.D. and Hershner, S.D. (2014). Causes and consequences of sleepiness among college students. Nature and Science of sleep, 6, 73-84. Available from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4075951 [Accessed 23 October 2016]
2.Gaultney, J.F. (2010). The Prevalence of Sleep Disorders in College Students: Impact on Academic Performance. Journal of American College Health, 59 (2), 91-97. Available from http://www.csus.edu/faculty/m/fred.molitor/docs/sleep%20and%20academic%20performance.pdf
[Accessed 23 October 2016]
Activities:
Question 1:
According to the thesis statement, i.e., the sentence that expresses the main idea of the essay, how many solutions has the author proposed to the problem of insomnia?
A: One solutionIncorrect: The writer has proposed not one, but two solutions to the problem of insomnia among college students: 1) relaxing the pressure put on students; and 2) implementing educational courses that teach time management and maintaining proper sleep hygiene.
B: Two solutionsCorrect: In the thesis statement, the writer has proposed two solutions to the problem of insomnia among college students: 1) relaxing the pressure put on students; and 2) implementing educational courses that teach time management and maintaining proper sleep hygiene.
C: Three solutionsIncorrect: The writer has proposed not three, but two solutions to the problem of insomnia among college students: 1) relaxing the pressure put on students; and 2) implementing educational courses that teach time management and maintaining proper sleep hygiene.
Question 2:
Identify the topic sentence, i.e., the sentence that gives the main idea of the paragraph, of the 3rd paragraph in the essay.
A: According to statistics, more than 60% of adults aged 18-29 use technology (e.g., cell phones, computers, etc.) before bed and consume energy drinks, and four out of five students drink alcohol. The result is that the majority of students do not get enough sleep and wake up unrefreshed (Chervin and Hershner, 2014). Incorrect: This is not the topic sentence. This sentence introduces some supporting evidence from the research to back up the main point expressed earlier in the topic sentence.
B: Overall, combating insomnia could increase the quality and effectiveness of students’ studies. Incorrect: This is not the topic sentence. This is a concluding sentence, whose main purpose is to restate the main idea of the paragraph.
C: Another way to overcome the problem of insomnia would be to organize educational courses in colleges to provide students with vital information about sleep hygiene and time management. Correct: This is the topic sentence, which appears at the very beginning of the paragraph. This sentence expresses the main idea of the whole paragraph.
Question 3:
What type of evidence has the writer used to back up the claim they made in the 3rd paragraph?
A: StatisticsCorrect: The writer has introduced some statistics in the 2nd sentence of the paragraph: According to statistics, more than 60% of adults aged 18-29 use technology (e.g., cell phones, computers, etc.) before bed and, consume energy drinks, and four out of five students drink alcohol.
B: Personal examplesIncorrect: The writer has not used any personal examples. Instead, they have used some statistics from the previous research: According to statistics, more than 60% of adults aged 18-29 use technology (e.g., cell phones, computers, etc.) before bed and, consume energy drinks, and four out of five students drink alcohol.
C: No evidence Incorrect: The writer has used some research-based evidence in the form of statistics: According to statistics, more than 60% of adults aged 18-29 use technology (e.g., cell phones, computers, etc.) before bed and, consume energy drinks, and four out of five students drink alcohol.
Question 4:
Where do all three sources used in the essay come from?
A: JournalsCorrect: Both sources cited in the essay are the articles from academic journals. In both entries, the name of the article is followed by the name of the journal; then, vollume and issue number (given in the second source only), and finally, page numbers.
B: WebsitesIncorrect: The sources are not websites, but journal articles. In both entries, the name of the article is followed by the name of the journal; then, vollume and issue number (given only in the second source), and finally, page numbers.
C: Dissertations Incorrect: The sources are not dissertations, but journal articles. In both entries, the name of the article is followed by the name of the journal; then, vollume and issue number (given only in the second source), and finally, page numbers.