1. The essay has a clear structure- it consists of an introduction, three main body paragraphs and a conclusion.
2. The thesis statement gives a clear account of the three ways to solve the problem of Internet piracy in the United States that are logically developed in each body paragraph.
3. Each body paragraph has a concise and clear topic sentence that states the main idea of the paragraph.
4. Linking words and phrases are used skilfully between and within paragraphs to help to establish cohesion and coherence in the essay.
Strengths:
Weaknesses:
1. Some claims made by the writer, e.g., in the 2nd paragraph are not backed up by any research-based evidence. The writer should have integrated some in-text citations to make their argument more convincing.
2. The writer should have been more precise and clear by elaborating more on the solution that they have proposed in paragraph 4 of the essay.
3. The writer should have mitigated some of their claims by using appropriate hedging language, e.g., may, might, or could.
4. The writer should have used grammatical articles and prepositions more accurately in the essay.
Problem Solution Essay Nine:
The Problem of Internet Piracy in the United States
With the development of technology, modern musical industry in the United States and in many other countries around the world are facing such challenge as an internet piracy, which involves downloading illegal software from peer-to-peer network. Indeed, as many specialists claim, current decline in legitimate CDs sales is directly related to the increasing number of illegal copies easily accessible with the help of web-technologies. The impact of internet piracy on prosperity of the recording companies has raised dramatically since 2000 and “accounted for 25% of the CD downturn in 2002 in the U.S.”(Peitz and Waelbroeck, 2004, p.5). However, there are several strategies to overcome this issue, such as releasing demo-versions, cyber-security’s strengthening and developing of intellectual property law.
One possible way to deal with software piracy is producing the demonstration version (demo) of the product. This measure should be undertaken for such cases, when the customers are not willing to purchase the music because of not being sure in its content, therefore downloading that MP3 for free from the pirated sources seems the best decision for them. In such situation, offering people a small demonstrative part of a song means to let consumers search for their most preferred music without breaking the law. On the other hand, demo often hardly conveys all the nuances of the whole song or composition, so that this solution is not completely effective and may also cause the loss of purchasers. Nevertheless, most music recording companies in the USA have already discovered this method and it helps them to reduce the level of illegal distribution.
Another strategy to combat illegitimate music distribution in the internet is to provide strong cyber-security. Currently most of the companies are implementing defense from piracy for all types of web sources. Using a variety of security methods, producers make their product safe from theft, by closing access for non-payers to download even free demo-versions which are available only to listen. Moreover, as Lango Deen claims, an essence of cyber-security is not to allow the pirates to obtain unauthorized access somehow (2011). However, even this solution has its faults: perfect cyber-protection which could not be cracked by professional hackers does not exist yet. Thus, that day when copyrights in the network would be fully protected by such perfect cyber-systems, the problem of piracy will exhaust itself.
The final method of resolving the issue is bringing the intellectual property law to a new level. Although the law already exists, the number of the infringements is not reducing as much as desired (Seal, 1997). That is why the government should increase the control over the preservation of copyright and install a severe punishment not only for main breakers (“pirates”), but also for people who download MP3 from the illegal sources. This will enhance the public awareness of the punishability of piracy, thereby decreasing the level of illegitimate music distribution year by year.
To conclude, after all articles researched, it is obvious that implementing of the solutions offered above will face difficulties. It will not be easy to persuade people to choose demo-versions before purchasing instead of downloading pirated MP3. It is either the challenge to create perfect cyber-security system, especially when hacker’s technologies are also improving. To make people obey the law is quite problematic too. However cooperation of these three strategies will benefit musical industry prosperity and make the copyrights finally protected.
References
Deen, L. (2011). Career Outlook: Spotlight on Cyber Security. Hispanic Engineer and Information Technology, 26(1), pp.49-60. Available from http://www.jstor.org/stable/43755380 [Accessed 23 October 2016].
Peitz, M. and Waelbroeck, P., 2004. The effect of internet piracy on CD sales: Cross-section evidence.
Seal, C. (1997). Intellectual Property Law. Compleat Lawyer, 14(1), pp.46-47. Available from http://www.jstor.org/stable/23780545 [Accessed 23 October 2016].
Problem Solution Essay Nine:
The Problem of Internet Piracy in the United States
Legend:
Idea Development Academic Style Grammatical Accuracy Lexical Appropriacy Source Use Macrostructure Spelling Accuracy Punctuation Accuracy
With the development of technology, modern musical industryIssue No. 1: The definite article the needs to be used before the noun phrase modern musical industry.
Click here for Definite Article issue in the United States and in many other countries around the world areIssue No. 2: The singular form of the verb to be is needed in order to establish subject-verb agreement. facing suchIssue No. 3: The definite article the needs to be used instead of the word such in this sentence.
Click here for Definite Article issue challenge asIssue No. 4: The preposition of needs to be used instead of the word as in this sentence. anIssue No. 5: No indefinite article an needs to be used before the noun phrase internet piracy. internet piracy, which involves downloading illegal software from peer-to-peer networkIssue No. 6: The phrase for example should be added in order to indicate that peer-to-peer networks are one example of other possible sources of illegal software download.
Issue No. 7: The plural form of the noun networks should be used here.. Indeed, as many specialists claim, current decline in legitimate CDs salesIssue No. 8: The definite article the needs to be used before the noun phrase current decline.
Click here for Definite Article issue
Issue No. 9: The singular form of the noun CD should be used here. is directly related to the increasing number of illegal copies easily accessible with the help of webIssue No. 10: A more appropriate word web-based should be used in this sentence.-technologies. The impact of internet piracy on prosperity of theIssue No. 11: No definite article the should be used because recording companies in general rather than any specific ones are referred to in this sentence.
Click here for Definite Article issue recording companies has raised dramatically since 2000 and “accounted for 25% of the CD downturn in 2002 in the U.S.”(Peitz and Waelbroeck, 2004, p.5). However, there are several strategies to overcome this issue, such as releasing demo-versions, cyber-security’s strengtheningIssue No. 12: The definite article the needs to be used before the noun phrase strengthening of cyber-security.
Click here for Definite Article issue
Issue No. 13: The word order needs to be changed in this sentence. and developing of intellectual property lawIssue No. 14: The definite article the needs to be used before the noun phrase development of intellectual property law.
Click here for Definite Article issue
Issue No. 15: The word form development needs to be used instead of the word form developing..
One possible way to deal with software piracy is producingIssue No. 16: The preposition by needs to be used before the verb form producing in this sentence. theIssue No. 17: No definite article the should be used before the noun phrase demonstration versions in this sentence.
Click here for Definite Article issue demonstration version (demo)Issue No. 18: The contracted form demo should be put immediately after the full form demonstration in this sentence.
Issue No. 19: The plural form of the noun versions should be used here. of the product. This measure should be undertaken for such cases, whenIssue No. 20: The sentence structure needs to be revised. theIssue No. 21: No definite article the should be used before the plural form of the noun customers in this sentence. customers are not willing to purchase the music because of not being sure in its content, thereforeIssue No. 22: A more appropriate cohesive expression thus should be used in this sentence.
Issue No. 23: The cohesive expression thus needs to be set off with a comma in the middle of the sentence.
Click here for Comma issue downloading that MP3 for free from the pirated sources seems the best decision for them. In such situationIssue No. 24: The plural form of the noun situations should be used instead of the singular noun situation in this sentence., offering people a small demonstrative part of a songIssue No. 25: The auxiliary verb to be is needed in this sentence. meansIssue No. 26: The indefinite article a needs to be used before the noun means in this sentence.
Click here for Indefinite Article issue to let consumers search for their most preferred music without breaking the law.Issue No. 27: The claim needs to be backed up with some research-based evidence.
Click here for Evidence issue On the other hand, demo often hardly conveys all the nuances of the whole song or composition, so thatIssue No. 28: The word that should not be used after so in this sentence. this solution is not completely effective and may also cause the loss of purchasers. Nevertheless, most music recording companies inIssue No. 29: The preposition via needs to be used instead of the preposition in this sentence. the USA have already discovered this method and it helps them to reduce the level of illegal distribution.
Another strategy to combat illegitimate music distribution in the internet is to provide strong cyber-security. CurrentlyIssue No. 30: The introductory word Currently needs to be set off by a comma at the beginning of the sentence.
Click here for Comma issue most of theIssue No. 31: The wordy expression most of the needs to be revised in this sentence.
Click here for Wordiness issue companies are implementing defenseIssue No. 32: The expression such a needs to be used before the noun defense in this sentence. from piracy for all types of webIssue No. 33: The noun distribution needs to be used after the noun web in this sentence. sources. Using a variety of security methods, producers make their product safe from theft,Issue No. 34: No comma should be used before the dependent clause in the middle of the sentence.
Click here for Comma issue by closing access for non-payers to download even free demo-versions which are available only to listen. Moreover, as LangoIssue No. 35: No first name of the author should be used in the in-text citation.
Click here for In-text Citations issue Deen claims, an essenceIssue No. 36: The phrase one of the essences should be used because this is not the only essence of cyber-security. of cyber-security is not to allow the pirates to obtain unauthorized access somehow (2011). However, even this solution has its faults: perfect cyber-protection which could not be cracked by professional hackers does not exist yet. Thus, thatIssue No. 37: The definite article the should be used instead of that in this sentence.
Click here for Definite Article issue day when copyrights in the network would be fully protected by such perfect cyber-systems, the problem of piracy will exhaust itselfIssue No. 38: It is not entirely clear what the original writer means here..
The final method of resolving the issue is bringingIssue No. 39: The preposition by needs to be used before the verb form bringing in this sentence. the intellectual property law to a new level. Although the law already exists, the number of the infringements is not reducing as much as desired (Seal, 1997). ThatIssue No. 40: The expression This needs to be used instead of the expression That in this sentence. is why the governmentIssue No. 41: The plural form of the noun governments should be used in this sentence. Otherwise, the writer should have been more specific talking about a specific government, e.g., the US Government. should increase theIssue No. 42: No definite article the should be used before the noun control in this sentence.
Click here for Definite Article issue control over the preservation of copyright and install aIssue No. 43: No indefinite article a should be used before the plural noun phrase severe punishments.
Click here for Indefinite Article issue severe punishmentIssue No. 44: The plural form of the noun punishments should be used here because not one specific type of punishment but punishments in general are meant by the writer. not only for main breakersIssue No. 45: A more precise word lawbreakers needs to be used in this sentence. (“pirates”), but also for people who download MP3 from the illegal sources. This will enhance the public awareness of the punishability of piracy, thereby decreasing the level of illegitimate music distribution year byIssue No. 46: The preposition on needs to be used instead of the preposition by when referring to a year earlier. year.
To conclude, after all articles researchedIssue No. 48: The phrase after all articles researched is redundant in this sentence.
Click here for Redundancy issue, it is obvious that implementingIssue No. 49: The definite article the needs to be used in this sentence.
Click here for Definite Article issue of the solutions offered above willIssue No. 47: The claim should be mitigated by using a hedging expression could before the main verb enhance.
Click here for Hedging issue face difficulties. It willIssue No. 50: The claim should be mitigated by using a hedging expression might before the main verb not be easy.
Click here for Hedging issue not be easy to persuade people to choose demo-versions before purchasing instead of downloading pirated MP3. It is eitherIssue No. 51: A more appropriate expression also needs to be used instead of either in this sentence. theIssue No. 52: The indefinite article a needs to be used instead of the definite article the in this sentence.
Click here for Indefinite Article issue challenge to create perfect cyber-security system, especially when hacker’s technologies are also improving. To make people obey the law is quite problematic too. HoweverIssue No. 53: The introductory word However needs to be set off by a comma at the beginning of the sentence.
Click here for Comma issue cooperation ofIssue No. 54: The preposition between needs to be used instead of the preposition of in this sentence. these three strategies willIssue No. 55: The claim should be mitigated by using a hedging expression might before the main verb benefit.
Click here for Hedging issue benefit musical industryIssue No. 56: The possessive form industry’s is needed in this sentence. prosperity and make the copyrights finally protected.
ReferencesIssue No. 57: The following issues with referencing have been identified in this essay: 1. In academic essays, current sources, i.e., published within the last five years, should be used as references. All three sources used in this essay are outdated, i.e., published more than five years ago. One of these sources, i.e., Seal (1997) was published 20 years ago. 2. Every source in the Reference list must contain all essential and relevant details. However, in the reference by Peitz and Waelbroeck (2004), the details about the journal including the name of the journal, the vollume, issue and page numbers are missing. 3. It is important to be consistent with the referencing conventions in academic writing. There is lack of consistency in the capitalisation of the words in the titles of the articles. For example, in the sources by Deen (2011) and Seal (1997), all words in the title (except prepositions) are capitalised. However, in the source by Peitz and Waelbroeck (2004), only the first word in the title and the first word after the colon are capitalised. Another inconsistency can be observed in the use on brackets for the year of publication. Thus, in the sources by Deen and Seal, the years of publication appear in brackets while in the source by Peitz and Waelbroeck, the authors’ names are followed by the comma and the year of publication is not in brackets. 4. A hanging indentation need to be used in each reference entry, i.e., every line after the first line should be moved a few spaces to the right.
Deen, L. (2011). Career Outlook: Spotlight on Cyber Security. Hispanic Engineer and Information Technology, 26(1), pp.49-60. Available from http://www.jstor.org/stable/43755380 [Accessed 23 October 2016].
Peitz, M. and Waelbroeck, P., 2004. The effect of internet piracy on CD sales: Cross-section evidence.
Seal, C. (1997). Intellectual Property Law. Compleat Lawyer, 14(1), pp.46-47. Available from http://www.jstor.org/stable/23780545 [Accessed 23 October 2016].
Activities:
Question 1:
Which sentence expresses the main idea of the whole essay?
A: With the development of technology, the modern musical industry in the United States and in many other countries around the world is facing the challenge of internet piracy, which involves downloading illegal software, for example, from peer-to-peer networksIncorrect: This statement is an introductory sentence of the essay. Its main purpose is to introduce the topic of the essay to the reader by providing some background information and defining the key terms.
B: The impact of internet piracy on prosperity of recording companies has raised dramatically since 2000 and “accounted for 25% of the CD downturn in 2002 in the U.S.”(Peitz and Waelbroeck, 2004, p.5)Incorrect: This statement is another sentence giving background information to the topic and illustrating the scope of the problem via some research-based evidence.
C: However, there are several strategies to overcome this issue, such as releasing demo-versions, the strengthening of cyber-security and the development of intellectual property lawCorrect: This sentence is the thesis statement which expresses the main idea of the whole essay by proposing three possible solutions to the problem of Internet piracy.
Question 2:
Which of the paragraphs in the essay contains no research-based evidence?
A: Paragraph 2Correct: This paragraph contains no evidence from previous research. The writer should have given some examples and/or statistics and included some in-text citations.
B: Paragraph 3Incorrect: This paragraph contains some evidence from Deen (2011).
C: Paragraph 4Incorrect: This paragraph contains some evidence from Seal (1997).
Question 3:
Identify an error in the use of an in-text citation in paragraphs 3 of the essay.
A: No quotation marks were used by the writerIncorrect: This is not a direct quotation; therefore, no quotation marks should be used here.
B: The author’s first name was included in the in-text citationCorrect: Only the author’s last name should be included in the in-text citation. No first name should appear in text.
C: No page numbers were included in the in-text citationIncorrect: Since this is not a direct quotation, it is not essential to include page numbers in the in-text citation.
Question 4:
Where do all sources used in the essay come from?
A: WebsitesIncorrect: The sources used in this essay are not websites, but journal articles. In journal articles, the name of the article is followed by the name of the journal; then, volume and issue number, and finally, page numbers.
B: Book chaptersIncorrect: The sources are not book chapters, but journal articles. In journal articles, the name of the article is followed by the name of the journal; then, volume and issue number, and finally, page numbers.
C: JournalsCorrect: All three sources cited in the essay are the articles from academic journals.