1. The essay has a clear macrostructure; it consists of an introduction, two main body paragraphs and a conclusion.
2. The thesis statement outlines the two main claims that are logically developed in the body paragraphs.
3. The main point of each body paragraph is stated clearly and logically in the topic sentence at the beginning of the paragraph.
4. The claims made in the first body paragraph are well-supported with research-based evidence and examples.
1. Some of the points made by the writer are not sufficiently mitigated. For example, in body paragraph 1, the writer claims that “indicating the existence of GM organisms on the packaging of the product in a right and appropriate way rather than hiding the issue will increase customers’ confidence in food producing companies.” This claim need to be mitigated with the help of a hedging expression “is likely to increase.”
2. The writer concludes body paragraph 1 with a direct quotation. However, it would have been better to use a summary or a transition sentence at the end of the paragraph rather than a quotation.
3. There is lack of evidence in body paragraph 2. It needs to include some statistics or examples to back up the main point.
Did you know that only fifteen countries in the world require labeling of Genetically Modified (GM) foods? (Carter and Gruère, 2003). It is well known that almost all of the products sold in grocery stores contain genetically modified organisms. However, if consumers read the consumption of most of them, in most cases they cannot find the line with the information whether the food is genetically modified or not. Numerous surveys were conducted on this issue and it was found that 80% of Canadians and 51% of Americans want their food to be labeled of Genetic Modification (MacDonald and Whellams, 2007).Governments should put a warning label to all the products containing GM organisms because consumers have a right to know what their food was made of and because most of them cause different types of allergies.
Firstly, it is consumers’ right to know the consumption of products they use for themselves and their children. Most European people as well as Japanese do not prefer buying food consisting of high amount of GM ingredients (Carter and Gruère, 2003).Therefore, labeling products will be helpful for them to choose whether it is acceptable or not. In addition, indicating the existence of GM organisms on the packaging of the product in a right and appropriate way rather than hiding the issue will increase customers’ confidence in food producing companies. Although labeling GM foods brings many benefits to consumers who want to be their daily meal rations safe and healthy, many people argue that it will not be a profitable decision for food production companies. For example, according to MacDonald and Whellams (2003), 63 % of Canadian consumers claim that they will not buy the product if it is genetically modified and therefore, of course it is better for food companies not to mention about genetic modification in order to save their income. However, health protection is more important than money and “without separation of genetically modified and non-genetically modified foods and without clear labeling rigorous health surveillance will be impossible” (British Medical Journal, 2000, p1441).
The second reasoning why products should be clearly stamped of GM is because they cause different types of allergies on human body. Everyone has different organism and some food additives can harmfully affect people’s health .Putting a warning label on products containing GM ingredients will increase people’s awareness and decrease risks of allergic reactions. Canadian Food and Drugs Act requires labeling of all the foods containing even a very small amounts of GM organisms because many complaints about serious allergies after consuming certain products were received recently (MacDonald and Whellams, 2007). Of course there is not any long-term evidence that GM organisms are dangerous on people’s health, still the existence of several allergens in GMO was proven by many specialists.
To conclude, governments should take a responsibility and require labeling genetically modified foods and products because first of all it is important to customers to know what they are consuming. Labeling will clearly warn of the existence of any food additives and prevent diseases and allergies. Genetically Modified Organisms should be replaced by natural ones if it is possible in order to support healthy lifestyle.
References
Beeham, L. (2000). Chief Medical Officer Clears Genetically Modified Foods. British Medical Journal, 318, 7196, p1441. Available from http://www.jstor.org/stable/25184776 [Accessed 28 October 2016].
Carter, A. and Gruere, P. (2003). Mandatory Labeling of Genetically Modified Foods: Does it Really Provide Consumer Choice? The Journal of Agrobiotechnology Management and Economics, 6, 1-2, p13. Available from http://www.agbioforum.org. [ Accessed 22 October 2016].
MacDonald, C. and Whellams, M. (2007). Corporate Decisions about Labeling Genetically Modified Foods. Journal of Business Ethics,75, 2. Available from http://www.jstor.org/stable/25123984 [Accessed 28 October 2016].
Did you know that only fifteen countries in the world require labelingIssue No. 3: The word labeling needs to be spelled as labelling. In the interest of consistency, American English spelling should be replacing with the British English spelling. of Genetically Modified (GM) foods?Issue No. 4: This question needs to be replaced with a statement because questions should normally be avoided in academic writing. Additionally, it is generally not appropriate to begin an academic essay with a citation. (Carter and Gruère, 2003). It is well known that almost all of the products sold in grocery stores contain genetically modified organisms.Issue No. 5: The claim needs to be substantiated with some research-based evidence in the form of an in-text citation. However, if consumers read the consumption of most of them,Issue No. 6: It is not entirely clear what is meant in this sentence. It could be restated as read the information on food labels… in most cases theyIssue No. 7: A comma is needed to set off the interrupter phrase in this sentence.
Click here for Comma issue cannot find the line with the information whetherIssue No. 8: A more appropriate phrase any information as to whether is needed. the food is genetically modified or not. Numerous surveys were conducted on this issue andIssue No. 9: A comma is needed before and in a compound sentence.
Click here for Comma issue it was found that 80% of Canadians and 51% of Americans want their food to be labeled of Genetic ModificationIssue No. 10: The sentence structure needs to be revised as food to be labelled as Genetically Modified. (MacDonald and Whellams, 2007). Governments should put a warning labelIssue No. 13: This sentence needs to be set up as a thesis statement. toIssue No. 11: The preposition to needs to be replaced by the preposition on. all the products containing GM organisms because consumers have a right to know what their food was made of and because most of them cause different types of allergies.
Firstly, it is consumers’ rightIssue No. 14: The indefinite article an needs to be used before the noun phrase individual’s right.
Click here for Indefinite Article issue
Issue No. 15: The noun individual is contextually more appropriate than the noun consumer. Also, the singular rather than the plural form of the noun should be used here. to know the consumption of products they use for themselves and their children.Issue No. 16: The structure of the topic sentence needs to be revised to make is clearer and more focused. Most European peopleIssue No. 17: The phrase European people needs to be replaced by a more concise phrase Europeans. as well asIssue No. 18: The conjunction as well as needs to be replaced with a more concise conjunction and. JapaneseIssue No. 19: The noun people needs to be used after the adjective Japanese in this sentence. do not prefer buyingIssue No. 20: A more appropriate structure prefer not to buy needs to be used because the verb prefer should be followed by to-infinitive. food consistingIssue No. 21: A more contextually appropriate single word containing needs to be used instead of the phrasal verb consisting of. of highIssue No. 22: The adjective high should be replaced by large because large amount is a more appropriate phrase to use. amountIssue No. 23: The plural form of the noun amounts is needed in this sentence. of GM ingredients (Carter and Gruère, 2003).Therefore, labeling products willIssue No. 24: The claim needs to be mitigated by using a hedging expression might.
Click here for Hedging issue be helpfulIssue No. 25: The expression be helpful needs to be replaced by a more concise expression help. for them to choose whether it is acceptable or not.Issue No. 26: It is not entirely clear what the writer is talking about here. In addition, indicating the existence of GM organismsIssue No. 27: A more contextually appropriate word ingredients needs to be used in this sentence. on the packaging of the product in a right andIssue No. 28: The phrase right and is inappropriate in this sentence. appropriate way rather than hiding the issueIssue No. 29: The phrase hiding the issue needs to be replaced by a more contextually appropriate phrase keeping the information secret. willIssue No. 30: The claim needs to be mitigated by using a hedging expression might.
Click here for Hedging issue increase customers’ confidence in food producing companies. Although labeling GM foods brings many benefits to consumers who want to be their daily meal rations safe and healthyIssue No. 31: The word order needs to be changed in this sentence. , manyIssue No. 32: The word many should not be used in this sentence. people argueIssue No. 33: The claim needs to be mitigated by using a hedging expression may. that it will not be a profitable decision for food production companies. For example, according to MacDonald and Whellams (2003),Issue No. 34: A different year of publication needs to be given. It is important to be accurate when referencing sources and ensure the year of publication given in the References coincides with the year of publication used in-text.
Click here for In-text Citations issue 63 % of Canadian consumers claim that they will not buy theIssue No. 35: The indefinite article a needs to be used in this sentence.
Click here for Indefinite Article issue product if it is genetically modifiedIssue No. 36: This sentence needs to be divided into two sentences to avoid the run-on sentence.
Click here for Run-on Sentence issue andIssue No. 37: The conjunction and should not be used in this sentence. therefore,Issue No. 38: The capital letter T needs to be used in Therefore at the beginning of the sentence. of courseIssue No. 39: The use of the boosting language like of course should be avoided in academic writing. it is betterIssue No. 40: The claim needs to be mitigated by using a hedging expression might.
Click here for Hedging issue for food companies not to mention about genetic modification in order to save their income.Issue No. 41: A more appropriate expression increase profits should be used in this sentence. However, health protectionIssue No. 42: The word protection is redundant in this sentence.
Click here for Redundancy issue is more important than money and “without separation of genetically modified and non-genetically modified foods and without clear labeling rigorous health surveillance will be impossible”Issue No. 43: The use of a direct quotation needs to be avoided at the end of the body paragraph. A more general summary or transition sentence is needed here. (British Medical Journal,Issue No. 44: The author’s last name Beecham needs to be used instead of the name of the journal British Medical Journal in the in-text citation.
Click here for In-text Citations issue 2000, p1441).Issue No. 45: The page number needs to be followed by the full stop.
The second reasoningIssue No. 46: A contextually inappropriate noun reasoning needs to be replaced by reason. why products should be clearly stampedIssue No. 47: A contextually more appropriate verb labelled needs to be used in this sentence. ofIssue No. 48: The preposition of needs to be replaced by the conjunction as in this sentence. GM is because they cause different types ofIssue No. 49: The phrase different types of is redundant here because the plural form allergies implies different types of allergies.
Click here for Redundancy issue allergies on human bodyIssue No. 50: The phrase on human body is redundant in this sentence.
Click here for Redundancy issue. Everyone has different organismIssue No. 51: The sentence structure needs to be revised. and some food additives can harmfully affect people’s health .Putting a warning label on products containing GM ingredients willIssue No. 52: The claim needs to be mitigated by using a hedging expression is likely to.
Click here for Hedging issue increase people’s awareness and decrease risksIssue No. 53: The definite article the is needed in this sentence.
Click here for Definite Article issue of allergic reactions. Canadian FoodIssue No. 54: The definite article the is needed in this sentence.
Click here for Definite Article issue and Drugs Act requires labeling of all the foods containing even a very small amountsIssue No. 55: The plural form amounts needs to be replaced with the singular form amount. of GM organismsIssue No. 56: A more contextually appropriate word ingredients needs to be used in this sentence. because many complaints about serious allergies after consuming certain products wereIssue No. 57: The present perfect tense needs to be used instead of the past simple tense in this sentence.
Click here for Tense issue received recently (MacDonald and Whellams, 2007). Of courseIssue No. 58: The use of boosting language like of course should be avoided in academic writing. there is not anyIssue No. 59: A more formal expression a lack of needs to be used in this sentence. long-term evidence that GM organismsIssue No. 60: A more contextually appropriate word ingredients needs to be used in this sentence. are dangerous on people’s health, still the existence of several allergens in GMOIssue No. 61: A more appropriate expression GM foods need to be used instead of GMO. wasIssue No. 62: The present perfect tense needs to be used instead of the past simple tense in this sentence. provenIssue No. 63: The verb reported needs to be used instead of the verb proven in this sentence. by manyIssue No. 64: The claim needs to be substantiated with some research-based evidence in the form of an in-text citation. specialists.Issue No. 65: A concluding sentence summarising the main idea of the paragraph is needed here.
To conclude, governments should take aIssue No. 66: The indefinite article a is not needed in a phrase take responsibility.
Click here for Indefinite Article issue responsibility and require labelingIssue No. 67: The word labeling needs to be spelled as labelling. In the interest of consistency, American English spelling should be replacing with the British English spelling. geneticallyIssue No. 68: The preposition of needs to be used after labelling in this sentence. modified foods and products because first of allIssue No. 69: The signposting expression first of all needs to be preceded by the comma.
Issue No. 70: The signposting expression first of all needs to be followed by the comma.
Click here for Comma issue it is important to customers to know what they are consuming. LabelingIssue No. 71: A signposting expression Additionally, needs to be used at the beginning of the sentence.
Issue No. 72: The word labeling needs to be spelled as labelling. In the interest of consistency, American English spelling should be replacing with the British English spelling. willIssue No. 73: The modal verb should needs to be used instead of will in this sentence.
clearly warn of the existence of any food additives and prevent diseases and allergies. GeneticallyIssue No. 74: A signposting expression Finally, needs to be used at the beginning of the sentence. Modified Organisms should be replaced by natural ones if it is possible in order to support healthy lifestyle.Issue No. 75: The indefinite article a needs to be used in this sentence.
Click here for Indefinite Article issue
ReferencesIssue No. 76: Overall, the sources are arranged in alphabetical order by the last name of the author(s). However, there are some minor issues with the use of sources in this essay: 1. Some information about the sources is missing and needs to be added, e.g., the page numbers need to be added for the third source by MacDonald and Whellams. 2. Some inaccuracy in spelling of the authors’ names, e.g., the name Beeham has been misspelled. It needs to be spelled as Beecham instead. 3. There is some inconsistency in using italics in the References. Specifically, the journal vollume, issue and page number are italicised in the 1st source. In 2nd source, however, neither the issue nor the page number is italicised. Importantly, only the vollume number needs italics. It should not be used with the issue and the page number. 4. 3. A hanging indentation need to be used, i.e., in every reference entry, every line after the first line should be moved a few spaces to the right.
Beeham, L. (2000). Chief Medical Officer Clears Genetically Modified Foods. British Medical Journal, 318, 7196, p1441. Available from http://www.jstor.org/stable/25184776 [Accessed 28 October 2016].
Carter, A. and Gruere, P. (2003). Mandatory Labeling of Genetically Modified Foods: Does it Really Provide Consumer Choice? The Journal of Agrobiotechnology Management and Economics, 6, 1-2, p13. Available from http://www.agbioforum.org. [ Accessed 22 October 2016].
MacDonald, C. and Whellams, M. (2007). Corporate Decisions about Labeling Genetically Modified Foods. Journal of Business Ethics,75, 2. Available from http://www.jstor.org/stable/25123984 [Accessed 28 October 2016].
Question 1:
According to the thesis statement, how many body paragraphs, i.e., the paragraphs that come after the introduction and before the conclusion and develop the main argument, should the essay have?
A: TwoCorrect: The thesis statement outlines the 2 main points, i.e., consumers have the right to know what their food is made of, and many GM foods cause allergies.
B: ThreeIncorrect: Only two main points were outlined in the thesis statement, i.e., consumers have the right to know what their food is made of, and many GM foods cause allergies. Therefore, the essay is supposed to have two body paragraphs.
C: OneIncorrect: Two main points were outlined in the thesis statement, i.e., consumers have the right to know what their food is made of, and many GM foods cause allergies. Therefore, the essay is supposed to have two body paragraphs.
Question 2:
Which of the paragraphs in the essay needs to be supported by some research-based evidence?
A: Paragraph 2Incorrect: This paragraph contains some evidence from other sources.
B: Paragraph 3Correct: This paragraph needs more evidence in the form of examples and statistics.
C: Paragraph 4Incorrect: No evidence is needed in this paragraph. The aim of the conclusion is to restate the central argument and to summarise the key points of the essay.
Question 3:
Which of the three sources has been inaccurately cited in the essay?
A: Beeham (2000)Incorrect: This source has been accurately used in the essay.
B: Carter & Gruere (2003)Incorrect: This source has been accurately used in the essay.
C: MacDonald & Whellams (2007)Correct: The year of publication as cited in-text does not match with the year of publication as given in the references.
Question 4:
How many signposting expressions, e.g., firstly, secondly, thirdly, need to be added in the concluding paragraph to make it more coherent and clear?
A: No signposting expressions should be addedIncorrect: The first main point has been introduced by means of the signposting expression first of all. The writer should have used some more signposting when summarising each of the key points of the essay in order to make the ideas in the concluding paragraph more coherent and clear to the audience. Specifically, they should have used Additionally at the beginning of the 2nd sentence in the conclusion, and Finally at the beginning of the 3rd sentence in the conclusion.
B: One signposting expression should be addedIncorrect: The first main point has been introduced by means of the signposting expression first of all. At least two more signposting expressions should be added in this paragraph. Specifically, the writer should have used Additionally at the beginning of the 2nd sentence in the conclusion, and Finally at the beginning of the 3rd sentence in the conclusion.
C: Two signposting expressions should be addedCorrect: The first main point has been introduced by means of the signposting expression first of all. Two signposting expressions should be added in this paragraph: 1. Additionally, placed at the beginning of the 2nd sentence in the conclusion, and 2. Finally, placed at the beginning of the 3rd sentence in the conclusion.
