Strengths:

1. The essay has a clear structure; it consists of an introduction, three body paragraphs and a conclusion.

2.  The introduction is overall well-written and contains all essential components: the background to the topic, the scope of the problem and a clear thesis statement.

3. The writer attempts to establish cohesion between paragraphs by using signposting at the beginning of each paragraph and summarising every main point at the end of the paragraph.

4. The writer attempts to use secondary citations in th essay and overall does this skilfully.

Weaknesses:

1. The main points developed in the main body of the essay do not follow the same sequence as introduced in the thesis statement. In accordance with the thesis, the points need to be developed in the following sequence: body paragraph 1- loss of biodiversity, body paragraph 2-effect on human health and body paragraph 3-rise of global warming and soil erosion.

2.  A number of claims made by the writer need to be backed up by some research-based evidence. For example, body paragraphs 2 and 3 do not contain any evidence from literature.

3. Some of the claims made by the writer are too strong and need to be mitigated. For example, in body paragraph 3, the writer  claims that “If there were no trees, humankind will most probably be extinct.”  The writer should avoid making such kind of overly strong claims in academic essays.

4. More academic sources should have been used to support and exemplify the claims made by the writer.

Persuasive Essay Nine:

Deforestation should be banned

Deforestation has become a controversial issue and is growing at an alarming rate. “About 10 percent of carbon emissions come from tropical deforestation – equivalent to the annual tailpipe emissions of 600 million average U.S. cars.”(Union of Concerned Scientists. 2014, p1). In other words, deforestation is one of the main cause of increasing pollution and global warming. Moreover, cutting off the trees leads to loss of biodiversity. Even though, reducing deforestation is cost-effective and time consuming, it should be lowered to a minimum, as it causes loss of biodiversity, impair human’s health and contributes to the rise of global warming and soil erosion.

The first reason why deforestation should be reduced is that, many species (animals, plants) may become extinct due to the loss of their natural habitat. “One particularly compelling example showed that the creation of small, isolated, forest fragments in Brazil resulted in local extirpation of bird species and overall reduced avian biodiversity” (Ferraz et al., 2007, cited in Sehgal 2009, p1). It is apparent that the whole ecosystem will be damaged and cause severe problems in future because of the deforestation. Therefore, it is essential for governments to regulate the process of deforestation and boost taxes on cutting off the trees. In short, forests are the significant part of our ecosystem and if humanity will continue eradicating them, people might face serious challenges.

Second argument against deforestation is that, deforestation harms the environment, damages ozone layer and contribute to global warming. Attempting to keep deforestation and environmental change separated will not work. Trees, plants and timberland soils store gigantic amount of carbon. At the point when woodlands are cut, this capable carbon sink is rendered futile. Put away carbon is released as carbon dioxide and methane. On top of that, the limit of woods to force nursery gasses from the air is lost as woodlands are cut. In brief, deforestation is one of the
major causes of climate change and losing such woods significantly trammels Earth’s ability to expel carbon from the air and keep away from the most exceedingly bad impacts of an unnatural climate change.

At the same time, some may argue that humankind needs wood in a considerable amount for overall development of the country. Moreover, opponents of saving trees are of the opinion that impact of deforestation on human’s health is minor and that people will not suffer from the consequences of felling off the trees. However, that is not true; trees are the main contributors of the availability of fresh air that we breathe. What is more, deforestation leads to spread of serious diseases and epidemics like malaria. If there were no trees, humankind will most probably be extinct.

To sum up, governments should take steps to ban, or at least reduce the deforestation. As trees are the sign of life, trees have to be preserved not cut. Deforestation has its side effects on almost everything, but most important are influence on human’s health and climate, and of course on biodiversity. Therefore, if the measures will not be taken in near future the consequences of deforestation will be irreversible.

References

Ferraz et al., 2007. Deforestation and avian infectious diseases. The Journal of Experimental Biology 213, 955-960 Available from http://jeb.biologists.org/content/jexbio/213/6/955.full.pdf [Accessed in 03.10.2016]

No author. Union of Concerned Scientists. 2014. Available from http://www.ucsusa.org/sites/default/files/legacy/assets/documents/global_warming/ten-reasons-to-reduce-tropical-deforestation-2014.pdf [Accessed in 03.10.2016]

Persuasive Essay Nine:

Deforestation should be banned

Legend:
Idea Development Academic Style Grammatical Accuracy Lexical Appropriacy Source Use Macrostructure Spelling Accuracy Punctuation Accuracy

Deforestation has become a controversial issue and is growing at an alarming rate. “AboutIssue No. 2: A lower-case letter a needs to be used at the beginning of the quotation because the word about is no longer the first word in the sentence. 10 percent of carbon emissions come from tropical deforestation – equivalent to the annual tailpipe emissions of 600 million average U.S. cars.”(Union of Concerned ScientistsIssue No. 1: An integral citation rather than a non-integral one should be used in this sentence.
Click here for In-text Citations issue. 2014Issue No. 3: Instead of using a direct quotation, the writer could have paraphrased the statement.
Click here for In-text Citations issue, pIssue No. 4: The page number given in parenthesis needs to be followed by a full stop.1). In other wordsIssue No. 5: The conjunction Indeed is more logical and appropriate to use in this sentence., deforestation is one of the main causeIssue No. 6: The plural form of the noun causes needs to be used in this sentence. of increasing pollution and global warming. Moreover, cutting offIssue No. 7: The preposition down needs to be used instead of the preposition off. theIssue No. 8: No definite article the should be used because trees in general rather than specific kind of trees are meant in this sentence.
Click here for Definite Article issue trees leads to loss of biodiversity. Even though,Issue No. 9: No comma should be used after the conjunction Even though at the beginning of the sentence.
Click here for Comma issue reducing deforestation is cost-effectiveIssue No. 10: A contextually inappropriate adjective cost-effective needs to be replaced by the adjective costly. and time consuming, it should be lowered to a minimum,Issue No. 11: No comma should be used before as in this sentence.
Click here for Comma issue as it causes loss of biodiversity, impairIssue No. 12: The singular form of the verb impairs needs to be used in this sentence to establish subject-verb agreement. human’sIssue No. 13: No possessive form of the noun should be used here. health and contributes to the rise of global warming and soil erosion.

The first reason why deforestation should be reduced is that,Issue No. 14: No comma should be used after that in this sentence. many speciesIssue No. 15: The preposition of needs to be used after the noun species in this sentence. (animals, plants)Issue No. 16: No parenthesis should be used here. may become extinctIssue No. 17: The noun phrase needs to be used instead of the verb phrase, which is a common practice in academic writing. due to the loss of their natural habitat. “One particularly compelling example showed that the creation of small, isolated, forest fragments in Brazil resulted in local extirpation of bird species and overall reduced avian biodiversity” (Ferraz et al., 2007Issue No. 18: An integral citation rather than a non-integral one should be used in this sentence.
Click here for In-text Citations issue, citedIssue No. 19: It needs to be made clear what specifically the writer is exemplifying in this sentence. A better link between the statements is needed. in SehgalIssue No. 20: A comma is needed after the authors’ name before the year of publication.
Click here for Comma issue 2009, pIssue No. 21: The page number given in parenthesis needs to be followed by a full stop.1). It is apparent that the whole ecosystem will be damaged and causeIssue No. 22: The passive rather than active voice is needed in this sentence.
Issue No. 23: The passive rather than active voice is needed and the claim needs to be slightly mitigated.
Click here for Hedging issue severe problems in futureIssue No. 24: The use of the phrase in future is redundant in this sentence.
Click here for Redundancy issue because of theIssue No. 25: No definite article the should be used before the noun deforestation. deforestation. Therefore, it is essential for governments to regulate the process of deforestation and boost taxes on cutting offIssue No. 26: The preposition down needs to be used instead of the preposition off. theIssue No. 27: No definite article the should be used because trees in general rather than specific kind of trees are meant in this sentence.
Click here for Definite Article issue
Issue No. 28: The indefinite article a needs to be used instead of the definite article the in this sentence. trees. In short, forests are the significant part of our ecosystem andIssue No. 29: The comma is needed before the conjunction and in a compound sentence.
Click here for Comma issue if humanity will continueIssue No. 30: The present simple rather than future needs to be used in the if-clause. eradicating them, people might face serious challenges.

Second argumentIssue No. 31: The definite article the needs to be used before the signposting expression second argument.
Click here for Definite Article issue against deforestation is that,Issue No. 32: No comma should be used after that in this sentence.
Click here for Comma issue deforestation harms the environment, damages ozoneIssue No. 33: The definite article the needs to be used before the noun phrase ozone layer.
Click here for Definite Article issue layer and contributeIssue No. 34: The singular form of the verb contributes needs to be used in this sentence to establish subject-verb agreement. to global warming. Attempting to keep deforestation and environmental change separatedIssue No. 35: The infinitive form of the verb separate needs to be used in the phrase to keep…separate. will not workIssue No. 36: The informal expression will not work needs to be mitigated and replaced by a more formal academic expression might be problematic.
Click here for Hedging issue. Trees, plants and timberland soils store giganticIssue No. 37: The informal adjective gigantic needs to be replaced by a more appropriate adjective large.
Issue No. 38: The indefinite article a needs to be used before the noun phrase large amount in this sentence.
Click here for Indefinite Article issue
Issue No. 39: The statement needs to be made more precise by clearly stating how much of carbon they store.
Issue No. 40: The claim needs to be substantiated by some research-based evidence and the citation needs to be given in text.
Click here for Evidence issue amount of carbon. At the pointIssue No. 41: The wordy expressions need to be avoided in academic writing.
Click here for Wordiness issue whenIssue No. 42: The capital letter W needs to be used in the conjunction When, which appears at the beginning of the sentence. woodlands are cutIssue No. 43: The preposition down needs to be used after the verb cut., this capable carbon sink is rendered futileIssue No. 44: A more contextually appropriate adjective useless needs to be used in the sentence.. Put awayIssue No. 45: The phrase put away is redundant in this sentence. Delete: “put away” carbonIssue No. 46: The two sentences need to be combined into one sentence by means of the conjunction and. is released as carbon dioxide and methane. On top of thatIssue No. 47: A more appropriate conjunction Furthermore needs to be used here., the limit of woods to force nursery gassesIssue No. 48: It is not entirely clear what is meant by nursery gases. from the air is lost as woodlands are cut. In brief, deforestation is one of the
major causes of climate change andIssue No. 49: The comma is needed before the conjunction and in a compound sentence.
Click here for Comma issue losing such woodsIssue No. 50: A more appropriate expression forests needs to be used in this sentence. significantly trammelsIssue No. 51: The use of emotional language like trammels needs to be avoided.
Click here for Emotive Language issue Earth’s abilityIssue No. 52: The definite article the is needed before Earth.
Click here for Definite Article issue to expel carbon from the air and keep away fromIssue No. 53: The wordy expressions need to be avoided in academic writing.
Click here for Wordiness issue the most exceedingly badIssue No. 54: The wordy expressions need to be avoided in academic writing.
Click here for Wordiness issue impacts of anIssue No. 56: The indefinite article a needs to be used in this sentence.
Click here for Indefinite Article issue unnaturalIssue No. 55: A more contextually appropriate expression man-made needs to be used in this sentence. climate change.

At the same timeIssue No. 57: The signposting expression At the same time is illogical in this sentence., someIssue No. 58: A capital letter S needs to be used at the beginning of the sentence. may argue that humankind needs wood in a considerable amountIssue No. 59: The word order needs to be revised in this sentence. for overall development of the countryIssue No. 60: The claim needs to be substantiated by some research-based evidence and the citation needs to be given in text.
Click here for Evidence issue. Moreover, opponents of saving trees are of the opinion that impact of deforestationIssue No. 61: The definite article the needs to be used before the phrase impact of deforestation.
Click here for Definite Article issue on human’sIssue No. 62: No possessive form of the noun should be used here. health is minor and that people will not suffer from the consequences of felling offIssue No. 63: No preposition off should be used in this sentence. the trees. However, that is not trueIssue No. 64: The expression that is not true is non-academic and needs to be avoided. ; trees are the main contributors ofIssue No. 65: The preposition to needs to be used instead of the preposition of. the availability of fresh air that we breathe.Issue No. 66: The claim needs to be substantiated by some research-based evidence and the citation needs to be given in text.
Click here for Evidence issue
Issue No. 67: A more appropriate conjunction In addition needs to be used here. What is more, deforestation leads to spread of serious diseases and epidemicsIssue No. 68: The definite article the needs to be used before the phrase spread of serious diseases and epidemics.
Click here for Definite Article issue like malaria.Issue No. 69: The claim needs to be substantiated by some research-based evidence and the citation needs to be given in text.
Click here for Evidence issue If there were no trees, humankind willIssue No. 70: The modal verb will needs to be replaced with would in the main clause of the unreal conditional sentence. most probably be extinct.Issue No. 71: The claim needs to be substantiated by some research-based evidence and the citation needs to be given in text.

To sum upIssue No. 72: A more appropriate for academic writing signposting expression In summary needs to be used in this sentence., governments should take steps to ban,Issue No. 73: No comma is needed before the conjunction or in this sentence.
Click here for Comma issue or at least reduce theIssue No. 74: No definite article the is needed before the noun deforestation.
Click here for Definite Article issue deforestation. As trees are the sign of lifeIssue No. 75: It is not entirely clear what is meant by the sign of life., treesIssue No. 76: The noun trees needs to be replaced by the pronoun they to avoid repeating the noun. have to be preserved not cutIssue No. 77: The use of the phrase not cut is redundant in this sentence.
Click here for Redundancy issue. Deforestation has its side effects on almost everythingIssue No. 78: The statement does not seem to be true., but most importantIssue No. 79: The adverb needs to be used instead of the adjective in this sentence. are influenceIssue No. 80: The plural form of the noun influences needs to be used in this sentence. on human’sIssue No. 81: No possessive form of the noun should be used here. health andIssue No. 82: No conjunction and is needed between the first and the second item in the list when the third item follows. climate, and of courseIssue No. 83: The use of a non-academic expression of course needs to be avoided because it is overly strong. onIssue No. 84: No preposition on should be used before biodiversity. biodiversity. Therefore, if theIssue No. 85: No definite article the needs to be used in this sentence.
Click here for Definite Article issue measures willIssue No. 86: The present simple rather than future needs to be used in the if-clause. not be taken in near futureIssue No. 87: The definite article the needs to be used before the noun phrase near future.
Click here for Definite Article issue the consequences of deforestation will be irreversible.

ReferencesIssue No. 88: The following issues with referencing have been identified in this essay: 1. More than two sources should have been cited and included in the References. 2. Since Ferraz et al. (2007) is the secondary source cited in Sehgal (2009), it should not be included in the References. It is Sehgal (2009) that needs to appear in the References. 3. The use of et al. needs to be avoided in the References; instead, all co-authors of the source need to be listed. 4. Since the second source in the References has no identifiable author, the name of the organisation neeeds to be listed instead of the author. The phrase “No author” at the beginning of the reference entry needs to be deleted. 5. A hanging indentation should be used, i.e., every line after the first line should be moved a few spaces to the right.

Ferraz et al., 2007. Deforestation and avian infectious diseases. The Journal of Experimental Biology 213, 955-960 Available from http://jeb.biologists.org/content/jexbio/213/6/955.full.pdf [Accessed in 03.10.2016]

No author. Union of Concerned Scientists. 2014. Available from http://www.ucsusa.org/sites/default/files/legacy/assets/documents/global_warming/ten-reasons-to-reduce-tropical-deforestation-2014.pdf [Accessed in 03.10.2016]

Activities:

Question 1:
Identify the thesis statement, i.e., the sentence that states the main idea of the essay.

A: Deforestation has become a controversial issue and is growing at an alarming rateIncorrect: This statement introduces the topic of the essay and highlights the scope of the problem.

B: Even though reducing deforestation is costly and time consuming, it should be lowered to a minimum as it causes loss of biodiversity, impairs human health and contributes to the rise of global warming and soil erosionCorrect: This is the thesis statement. It outlines the three main points of the essay to be developed.

C: Deforestation has its side effects on almost everything, but most importantly are influences on human health, climate, and biodiversityIncorrect: The thesis statement normally appears at the end of the introduction. This sentence, however, appears in the conclusion. Thus, it is not the thesis statement, but a restatement of the main points developed in the essay.

Question 2:
Which of the sources cited in the first body paragraph of the essay need to be included in the References?

A: Only Ferrraz et al. (2007)Incorrect: This is the original source which was cited by Sehgal (2009). The writer found the citation by Ferraz et al. (2007) in Sehgal (2009). Therefore, only Sehgal (2009) needs to appear in the References at the end of the essay.

B: Only Sehgal (2009)Correct: The writer found the citation by Ferraz et al. (2007) in Sehgal (2009). Therefore, only Sehgal (2009) needs to appear in the References at the end of the essay.

C: Both Ferraz et al. (2007) and Sehgal (2009)Incorrect: Ferraz et al. (2007) is the original source which was cited by Sehgal (2009). The writer found the citation by Ferraz et al. (2007) in Sehgal (2009). Therefore, only Sehgal (2009) needs to appear in the References at the end of the essay.

Question 3:
What is the common problem of paragraphs 3 and 4 in the essay?

A: Neither of them have a clear topic sentenceIncorrect: The second body paragraph has a clear topic sentence at the very beginning of the paragraph. The third body paragraph needs to have a clearer topic sentence.

B: Neither of them focuses on the main theme of the essayIncorrect: Both paragraphs address the problem of deforestation and offer arguments against it.

C: Neither of them contain research-based evidenceCorrect: It is essential to develop the arguments in the essay by substantiating them with evidence.

Question 4:
Which of the paragraphs introduces arguments in favour of deforestation?

A: Paragraph 2Incorrect: In this paragraph, the writer argues against deforestation because it harms the ozone layer, and, as a result, leads to global warming.

B: Paragraph 3Incorrect: In this paragraph, the writer argues against deforestation because it might lead to loss of biodiversity.

C: Paragraph 4Correct: At the beginning of this paragraph, the writer briefly introduces the counterargument saying that people need considerable amount of wood for the development of their country.